Pelangi = Rainbow

Just as slow as the weekend came, the weekend is about to quickly end. I figured working hardly gives me life to live, because all I do is to try to keep myself awake by staying at home in the afternoon (if I am working in the morning) and then I will do useless surfing.. anything but to take an afternoon nap because I know I wont be able to sleep in the night knowing my shift's in the morning the following day... and likewise for working in the afternoon, I would just bathe, do useless surfing for awhile and sleep! So loser right but I cant help it because I rather not lose sleep and fail to concentrate on work (having medication error!)

Met up with couple of friends and started on our logic conversations, discussions on how gay marriages should/should not be legalized (or just as yet) and surprisingly our dreams. We took turns trying to visualize each other's future (NC would be a big boss) and they thought I would be a nurse in South Africa sending postcards to my friends, exclaiming my big face with the tiger on the loose in background or taking pictures with scrawny HIV positive kids. They thought I would be alone because I would be travelling around without a partner unless.... well they couldnt think of anyone who would share the same exact vision as I have, and it is tiring to be with me. This is quite a despair! In fact I would be travelling (I hope because I refuse to work) and doing odd jobs unless I have decided to settle down in a country for a year and maybe I would nurse for a year and skip towns!

I am so ambitious. In fact I do see myself being alone but enjoying the best for myself. Afterall I am a Gemini! I have a partner wherever I go (ala Twins!) and talking about astrology, we had a very fierce fight about it on.. how cunning & scheming Geminis are, how flirtatious Geminis are, how Geminis are so not okay to settle down with but but Geminis are fun loving, interesting, witty & really cool to be with! I used to check Friendster's horoscope at sharp twelve midnight but it is getting boring and really inaccurate........ (Like, Gemini Today you will meet someone interesting and might spark off some romance... Then you would be like, nabei I didnt go out today!)

Finally I have visited The Pelangi Pride Centre Library and we met inspired Eileena Lee who founded RedQuEEn! Set up as platform for Queer women in Singapore with workshops, forums and support groups. I think it would be a good platform for PLU women to meet new group of friends and share exciting life stories (such as coming out), so I applied to be a volunteer at The Pelangi Pride Centre a month ago, gladly giving it back to the community! The Pelangi Pride Centre is on the 4th floor above Mox Bar & Cafe, Bianco actually. Crudely we put, it is full of lesbian books and in fact more gay books than lesbian books! It was really cool (ok albeit nerdy) and it was a good afternoon to spend at, preferably with earl grey, cigarettes and good company to go along with it...it would be perfecto! (yes you are a good company)

Which later on, carrie claimed that she was too old to walk and enjoy the scenic view of tanjong pagar. (and I was carrying her bag!) So we waltzed into town back, no kidding we took the mertz (mrt, i am trying to be old skool) and decided to be boring sitting down at our favourite coffee club. Met up with her friend(s)+++ (means alot) and discussed about our signs again! All Gemini flaws are endless and really good to pick on!

Caught The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros. I saw the review on the Newpaper and decided to catch it but obviously no one wants to catch it with me because by their standards it is an artsy-fartsy-boring-no-actions-no-babes-no-hunks-and-worse-its-a-gay-show. Surprisingly when I saw the title on the booking screen, Karen and I shouted OMG LETS WATCH THE BLOSSOMING OF MAXIMO OLIVEROS. -scurries to buy tickets ignoring the rest. It comforted me to know that I am not alone in this planet wanting to watch such shows.

It wasnt exactly 5 popcorns kinda show, the movie was kinda like a budget creation but with thought through angles. It really tickled us, but with flowing incessant warmth. Felt like I belonged there (so lame but yeah it really does). Really inspirational and touching. If a 12 year old could walk away from the man that he loves and cares for , why cant I? The scene of Maxi walking away from Vicktor standing at the curb .. wow it really gave it to me. That is strength.

How come no show like these portraying lesbians? (I havent watched Spider Lilies though) I should pick up directing instead.

*drum rolls*

MC: The best director goes to........Julianne Seah!
Me: YES YES! YES! YES! YES *jumping up and down in gown! throwing fists in the air*

and all the queer women raves after me...

okay quit dreaming, the only people will rave after are your patients....okay i am back to mahjong (online) i dont understand why they refused to throw out 3 wan!

SO ANNOYING.

Found this.

Found this in my desktop and I figured it was pretty much of an un-posted letter. Just to remind me how I shouldnt be in love.

Dear M,

I thought about you.

Finally, I plucked my courage again and began to type in your blog address. It has been 8 months since you left me all shattered and gone. 8 months have quickly passed by and I've dated enough girls to spite you and you refused to budge and just subtly telling me to move on yet i knew you held back some words that might meant the world to me.

I saw the pictures of you and her. No, it has stopped hurting because my love for you died, but my disappointment in you remains. Christmas and New Year's promises, to spend every single one of them with me. These are your lies. Can you see how your lies still affect me somehow? You promised so much, you just took off.

Sometimes I think about you. Sometimes I hate you so much. Your abrupt absence brought nothing but pain. I am so scarred, but I am afraid you will never see it because you never saw my love for you, how I wanted you back and how I begged you. Your existence is something I cant just write off, and I cant forget how this wasted heart of mine battered for you.

Your umpteen times of apologies can never ever make it up and neither does your return. I'll never allow myself to be betrayed like this ever again. I loved you once, and it has brought me to this point of no return.

I wish you love and all the happiness in the world.

Today I will shed my last tears for you.


Love,
Girl who once loved you so much

Written more than half a year ago and it still brings forth waves of grief. My life changed almost entirely, or maybe changed entirely. Time could never be the measurement of the things that you held the highest but strangely time could change almost anything and everything. Who are we to judge that the time is right, when its wrong, when it isnt enough, when it isnt real? Totally over her but she remained significant in my life, still. Someone I grew with and wanted to share a future together, until our visions differed and things fell apart. Although I have been always been laughing at what a stock I/she was, I was secretly hoping that she would have whatever she wants in this world shared with her partner, and that includes happiness. If happiness cant be derived from me, it is good to leave and search for your own happiness. I am glad she did it and I know she is very happy right now! But that left me, still walking down this long and winding road expecting someone/something good to come along. It did, few came along, and it was transient but good enough to walk me through another few miles.

Miles and miles. Loh was telling me how tragic my life turned out and maybe I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I think I would be spending the rest of my life on mahjong, cigarettes, ktv and a bunch of good friends or travelling alone (I hope not).

Cold and wet July, I wish I had someone to go home to and snuggle up with and to complain about how my patient tried to murder me with his overpowering stench or how this patient tried to ask for my number. ( I know I know!) It isnt too hard to find a companion I think but I just couldnt or maybe I am just not eligible for anyone.

Currently on hold for someone but no one waits forever.
Well remember this: Happiness sold separately.

Since Livejournal's down, I couldnt do my every-three-minute posting and I kinda felt strange and very upset. Because I have so much momentary rants and if I dont rant I would go crazy being kept. I dont know when was the last time happiness came. I am quite sick and tired of fighting for just a chance to be truly happy.

You fight this time.

Back to service.

Back to internship again in an all-male ward which was the same ward that my late grandpop rested, and it felt like I was there all over again holding his hand after he took his last breath. I couldnt help but to stare at bed 5 every single time I walked past and there lay an uncle and I was hesitating if I should just go up to him and sigh heavily, "You know my grandfather died on this bed?" *cue glistening tears and run away dramatically with sobbings. I know, I am such a bad kid but I didnt do it! Can you imagine the amount of paperwork I have to do if he asked for a transfer of bed..

So first day of work and we need to be orientated by our preceptor(s) for 789324732487423th times and I even know where they kept the disposable shavers (I have my eyes on them for quite sometime). I thought I would never see today but I was quite surprised at the identity of my preceptor! She is a senior clinical instructor (CI) and I knew her back then 5 years ago! SQ was still a quite fresh graduate staff nurse back then. I was 15 - young, innocent, sweet, lesbian of course and quite ugly but adorable and I had a crush on SQ. I was still just a St John's girl and interning at the same hospital as well and like a puppy I followed her and she taught me alot and I was crazily infatuated with her! I used to dream about us being together.. okay you know the gist of it. So my internship back then had to end and she gave me her namecard and till date I still have it!

So I saw her today I couldnt recognized her because 1) I grew alot more taller. 2) She stopped wearing spectacles 3) She looked so much better now 4)I didnt think of SQ in the first place. So some colleague just went, "Hey S!" I turned my head immediately and it just dawned on me that.. she is SQ... I spent 25minutes staring at her and whispering to my friends, "Omg I cant believe it." Then I shifted to this stunningly beautiful doctor at SQ's background. And I spent another 20 minutes gorging my eyes out at the doctor and whispering to my frends, "OMG SO GORGEOUS." In that 45 minutes, SQ was doing the orientation and my heart was everywhere else in the ward except listening to the orientation.

(Funny I should be talking about work but I cant stop being a lesbian and talk about women. )

Ok so I am assigned to my team and I am stucked with like two Chinese nationals... which is horrible because I had to explain to them what was NSTEMI (Non-ST-Segment Elevation Myocardial Infarction) in Chinese. And I have 3 more weeks to go.. So I have a couple of interesting patients.

(P- Patient, Ju - Me, N - Nurse on duty)

Patient 1 (Schizophrenic)

Scenario 1

P: I live in IMH (Institute of Mental Health), I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH (continues chanting for another 5 minutes)

Ju: Ho lah wa zai lah. (Yes I know)

P: Hmmmm

P: I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH (continues chanting)

N: *Stares. I know okay, now keep quiet.

P: Hmm..

Ju & N continues serving medication.

P: I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH, I live in IMH....

Scenario 2

Ju: Okay okay bathe ok.

P: Okay okay.

P takes off clothes and Ju encountered the penis of the day with Junior by the side watching.

Ju: Okay hot water ok.

P: Okay okay.

Showers him and passes him the 2-in-one shower/shampoo gel and directed him to wash his ..

Ju: Okay wash off ok?

P: Okay okay.

P fervently rubbed his hair and body with water splashing all over me.

I came out so wet that my shoes squeaked! www.wetalready.com (I think I am going to register this domain)

He is one funny chap and I think I am going to talk to him more tomorrow and hopefully he doesnt chant his favourites again. Saw an old patient of mine and he recognized me and started chatting about his legs again.... My friend and I had this pact that if we see our old patients more than 3 times we have to marry them. In fact I saw one of my old patients, Johnny twice for the last few internships and both of us were getting scared. His name isnt really Johnny but he looks really Johnny to me so hehehehehe... Another patient admitted for RTA (Road Traffice Accident), only 19 and total 2nd encounter of penis when they had to cut up his underwear. Seriously I get freaked out alot, but sometimes I would be curious as well since.....

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So SQ & I had a chat and she remembered me. She remembered my name and she was thinking if it was me when she saw my name on the list. Its either I freaked her out back then or she has like lesbian tendencies as well... Oh well I have 3 weeks to confirm all my doubts. Trust me I am good at picking signs but hahaha not good at trusting my own signs! (But she looks at me when she's talking to a group of us all the time!)

Well, I am into surprises nowadays and I hope something happens within these 3 weeks.
So last weekend I have been into KTV-ing into the wee morning and mahjong-ing! It has been quite sometime since I have last touched those tiles.






I love mahjong! Dakota should try to learn how to play mahjong.

You know, (close friends do know) that in nature I am not forgiving at all but I am good at pretending/feigning ignorance/forgetting. If I couldnt forgive myself, what say you? You know after seeing through the people that you once loved, and you could never understand how and why they could do things to hurt you and claiming that they love you. Then strangely, their traits developed in you and you slowly get the clearer picture of the reasons why they did all these.

And the cycle never ends..

Working at Changi tomorrow onwards, drop me a text if anyone wanna starbucks at Simei. Should be bringing you weird and horny male ward stories.

Bangkok 14/06 - 17/06

So finally I have collated most of the photos from BKK except from Charlotte..again. Her camera is the best but no one wants to use because Charlotte doesnt send us our photos and she get pissed when we asked for it. So annoying, next time we are not going to take picture with her. Okay we will take picture with her but not with her camera. Kudos to Emily and Julyn!

Nurses gone wild Part 1 in BKK

(we still love viceroy, our very last bit of viceroy)

(our first time in budget terminal)

(Bangkok Airport)

(limo services for all 9 of us!)

(this was where we stayed, Greenhouse Guesthouse, Khaoshan)
(Backpackers alley, SGD$9 per night with aircondition/toilet shared among 3)

(our temporary room for 9.. just for bags first!)

(common corridor)

(after changing more currencies..)

(3 for 100baht, i bought 6 though)

(Boss of Greenhouse Guesthouse, Israelian, age 28 - rich.
Speaks chinese fluently as he lived in China for a couple of years. )

(julyn)

(charlotte)

(xinyi)

(jasmine)

(i need a nose job so badly, my nose is really huge i dont understand why!)

(anticipating our shark fins!)

(the caesar salad looks damn good & taste damn fucking good as well!)

(my best purchases in BKK - 2 65L Deuter bag)

(all geared up for the sweltering at Chatchuchak!)

(our last night's feast)

(waiting for our birdnest!)

(private tranny show for the girls in the room actually my room)

(met up with fiona & yishun for a trip down to patong to watch uh fat & ugly girls who could smoke with their pussy and shoot darts with their pussy. like spell g-r-o-s-s. the acts werent that gross but the girls are... that makes it worst.)

(originally we came with only these bags..)

(we came home with truckloads of bags!)

happy back to sg!

Finally these photos are uploaded and I have actually more to upload Nurses Gone Wild Part 2. Noted above, girls except for me, are straight and have boyfriends so.... yeah, where are those kinky lesbian nurses?

I think it would be great to have a partner who shares the same passion and almost the same line of job with you. I think it would be perfect except the part of being a nurse because till now I am not sure if I should be one.. Not because I dont want to be but I refuse to be a routined nurse working in the wards in shifts. I require alot of thrill, excitement and just ... I dont know, freedom?

I was looking through Doctors Without Borders, a travelling team of medical staffs to disaster areas or refugee camps, a non profit organisation which pays you a reasonable amount of allowance fee and all logdging and food. Sounds good but you need to have 2 years of clinical experience. Really gets me good and thinking about it, then I think I should just plunge in and go ahead for the A&E department. Que sara sara, lets see.

But before that I would actually take my degree first... and I would decide again. And I am still deciding if I should switch my major in University. I will leave the country definitely.

Not forgetting my 1st quest: To be able to travel all of Asia by 30.

Need a partner (if i have no girlfriend, and mostly my girlfriends are not adventurous) who would be financially stable, able to leave job for a year, enjoy exotic sightseeing/adventures and having the best of our lives. You need to be witty and interesting and must not irritate me when the weather is hot but my temper is good. You can be gorgeous and that would be a plus point but wit is the top criteria. We should be able to connect well (romantically, friendly, sexually). One who doesnt fuss in food, lodging (afterall we just need a place to sleep and we can have sex anywhere). Actually a masculine girl would be good, as referred to my previous entry I need a butch in my life, then again, my inclinations are... more to the girlie side. Spunky, witty, spontaneous! (yes spontaneous!) Best that if you are a medical staff because we can work anywhere we like and that you dont have a girlfriend. So far, this good.

Email me - hellomorninghowdoyoudo@gmail.com ( i know i need to change email address)
We can start to nurture.