2007 Happened

I would try to be concise and less upsetting in entries like this! I have a knack for depressing entries, in fact I admit that I do write better when I am super depressed! Ok, here we go. (Not going to elaborate at all, sadness in elaboration?!)

1. Started 2007 with K.


2. Lost Grandpop on 12th Jan 07.

3. We broke up.


4. Cheryl and I hosted NTU Hall 10's 10th anniversary charity carnival to the Singapore Chesire Home at Novena Square for 3 days.

5. Eunice


6. Gisele.


7. Verve


8. Celebrated Fiona's 20th.


9. Melissa
10. My 20th
11.Scuffles
12. Bangkok




13. Melissa's graduation

14. Cousin's wedding (DONT LAUGH)


15. Dr Raj's wedding



16. Nurses Night Out!


17. Met up with old friends.

18. Julyn's 19th + Virgin Gmax Ride



19. Emily's 20th


20. Jasmine's departure to Germany ( love the hair jasmine, roll eyes! hee!)


21. Japan



22. Virgin train ride to M'sia.



23. Shaun's 25th


24. Annual Geylang trip for food! (Hari Raya!)


25. Jill and Liwen's birthday!


26. Charlotte's 19th.


27. Juice's 9th.


and many other small events of course, i am sorry if i did missed out certain few(s). i spent christmas differently from others, i spent it alone (not literal) but with different groups of friends (hence, pinball) and not the same people that i used to spend it with. and this year's new 2008 bang, alone.

hey it doesnt matter, i have myself and i think i am living for myself and not with someone else or for someone else. with this, i found peace, stability and grasp of bigger pictures. i spent most of my december holidays with my secondary school sweethearts (not so secondary afterall in this context), dogged friends (with cheryl included - she became one of them - interrelated somehow), my loving but annoying lotte and i do realized the time i have spent with mel & friends were bare. i am a pinball and i think i would always be a pinball and now i do realized what the "universal" card meant.

i have lost many important people in the 2007 and some would never come back but some did. i met Maine only in later this year ever since we broke up and it brought back millions of memories but all i can say is that, i am thankful that she is back and with the friendship i could offer her. she remained significant till this day and at least i have her back this xmas & new year.

i dont expect people to stay for long but those who have stayed, i thank you for your presence and your love. i don't always have appreciation at the tip of my tongue but my gratefulness are etched deeply in my heart.

this year is about to end, and this year for me is about to end.
2007 happened.

i wish all of you well and with so much love.
i wish all of you with so much so much love.

thank you.

perioperative xmas.

1. meritus mandarin hotel
2. light bulb 1
3. laughing at singaporeans for taking pictures of a lamborghini
4. mahjong
5. light bulb 2
6. east coast park
7. deborah
8. heineken
9. light bulb 1
10. raffles place
11. lying on grass patch
12. ally mcbeal

13. sleep at 7 am
14. lunch at 3pm
15. wakes up at 8ish
16. craves for lambchop
17. spontaneous meet ups (major bitching)
18. upp. thomson/havelock rd/holland v/cineleisure (private joke)
19. old woodbridge + last kampung
20. ally mcbeal
21. sleep at 8am

22. typing this now
23. i feel like getting food
24. super lazy
25. calling mac, maybe can win 10k.

i was actually wishing for smth gd to happen this xmas but.... apparently nope. still the same me, lingering at petrol stations.

xmas 07

so this is it.

merry christmas my ladies (and probably some ..guys?)

2 more days

xmas in 2 days.
what does it mean to you?

time failed me.

I just want to be happy so badly.

i wish i could go back to those days but i know it will never be the same. my only tearing point was that i really really thought we were going to be together forever even there isn't forever but for the rest of our lives because what we had was so much so much and so much. and that was what hurt most and that hurt so badly. i have no space for anyone or anything else but all these sorrows that you couldn't see, could only fit into these endless tears that i have shed for you despite time. my pain racing against time obviously pain won and damn right whoever said time could be a measurement of anything.

i cannot imagine how long more i will take to get over the fact that we will no longer be in love with each other and that for the rest of our lives, i will watch you fall into others' arms and watch you being happy. i can never make this our issue or your issue because all these while it has been solely mine on my part unable to get it over but you have done it well enough to add on to my misery knowing that i somehow meant something but not enough, because in your eyes i am the 'best-est' friend anyone could have. and thats all i am to you dear. maybe you will but i know i will never ever find someone whom i am able to talk so care freely, being so comfortable, grew in familiarity there isn't any shame and to know that we both watched each other grew up in transition and someone i have loved so deeply and given so much because an image of you brings so much warmth yet so much pain. tried replacing you and i thought i would give that someone a chance, just a chance to prove me everything is wrong and that i will love and will love as much but no everything else broke down and she left anyway and i only blamed myself for giving that try knowing that it wont work out the way i have always wanted it to be.

i have love for others but my heart remained yours but i know there isn't any point pursuing our past and unlikely to paint it new all over again but i cannot stop loving you and hating you at the same time because remembering hurts. your reasons for leaving never really justified me or your steadily declining love. i really thought that both of us are going to be the same for the rest of our lives and it seemed so.

please save me, i don't know how because i don't need you by my side i have learned to live without you, i don't need you to come back because what's broken could never be mend, i don't need you to love me because it was all because of your love that put me through this tragedy and i don't need you to say sorry because it could never make it up to me. but please save me from this bitter wretchedness before it sucks my life entirely dry i don't want to break down in alternate days because somehow it felt like yesterday when my life changed.

please save me darling please save me someone please save me i just want to be happy so badly my frivolous front is wearing me thin but all i need is just help.

just so you know, you were the only routine i never got tired of, and i truly loved you with all my heart and i couldn't put anymore truer words to it because you knew it better than anyone and i believe that i still love you with all my heart.

silently that is.

Perks of Being A Singaporean

Your expensive Singapore Flyer. Finally, colours.

struggle

i have an angry soul that is waiting to snap at its greatest. the pms is here again and i dont really know anymore if it is the pms that is driving the people around me crazy with my irritable antics. i feel the sudden anger to snap at the important people in my life and i want to wipe everyone on this earth away. i want them to stop talking, stop making so much noise. i want some silence and i want more silence. when i dont speak means i am unwilling to converse and if you have something to say to me, you better not say it because i really need silence to undulate in me to find a balance before i start shooting off in my utmost tactless honesty.

with silence comes space, i need space i need a bigger space than you know how much i need because i feel claustrophobic now if i am suffocated with little walking space and just little space to do anything else like rolling on the floor. i have a high anger threshold, i can hold it well i can speak of nothing but it doesnt mean you can write me off anytime anywhere and do not attempt to ask me questions like "are you angry?" because firstly it is written on my face (not my face book but my face) and secondly i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings by shooting ungrateful remarks and in the end i get a guilt trip which i do not need that and that would make me more angry with everyone and myself. and lastly do not persist.

i am very capable of very bitter sarcasms that my mother even snaps and screaming ungrateful. i am typing this served as disclaimer to anyone who tries to annoy the intestines out of me, and bitter sarcasms do not come with vulgarities because at this brink they do not measure up with the anger i have anymore and likely to launch personal attacks.

first and foremost i would like to explain my anger in me but i cannot do it because i have no idea why at certain junction of time i get angry and annoyed by people's doings, sayings and thinkings. wait, maybe i was not angry in the first place but being neutral with threading thin ice of being irritable , very irritable means VERY irritable. i get angry to the point of just dashing to the road and i do not even flinch at the thought of being knock down by the car because my veins are consumed with anger and maybe i would even bleed boiling blood.

no this is not bi polar so quit saying i am being bi polar and i would be glad that i am diagnosed as bi polar because at least i would get my mood stabilizer and not feel this way because it doesnt feel good at all or to feel that the world's a total shit. i just want to live longer and finish what i have to do and not feel this angst all over my growing age and not even flinch at the brink of death. i just want to live normally and go through this happiness route which obviously is not here yet and stop saying it will come, because i know it will come. stop telling things that people want to hear and stop patronizing people because it is fake and you really need put more effort and stop saying things like you'd be there for me but fuck all bullshits it requires more than just mouth work.

i really just want to live normally and have nothing to do with this facade and just be happy. i just want to be happy so badly. i am really struggling to be happy and i am really almost gone.

damn you demons.

i said, silence.

(paul i am just having pms right?)

p.s. not directing this entry to anyone none of you deserves this tribute but anyhow you felt the stab you might be one of the processed post entry anger.

come back to bed.

tell me what i did
id take back what ive said
just dont leave me alone in this cold baby
come back to bed.

Life life life.

I am so sorry for that long unannounced hiatus. Been really busy these few weeks with endless projects (with really loser teammates) and whatever assessments i had! This whole new year 3 is rather fulfilling and busy and I really like it a lot despite my frequent rants but its great!

Yeah 1724's out, I am not sure how many caught it but it is great! I think we have a shot at winning first prize which is 10k. Ok I sound too confident but even if we dont win, its fine because I think we did a great job for the pre-publicity and the bed scene-stomps prints peripheral! I have always wanted to participate/be involved in AIDS campaign! Totally self-actualizing already.






For the rest of the photos, please visit stompAIDSnyp!

Right after 1724, I had a whole weekend getaway to Malacca with my friends to just release whatever I need to. Everything was breathing down my neck and seriously, I needed that getaway although it was short but it was really relaxing. Nothing fanciful but.











This year .. is about to end so quickly. Unknowingly its December and 2008 is coming, and so many things happened in 2007 which held close to my heart for the heart aches, lessons and also small bits of happiness here and there! Consensus to short lived happiness?

Maybe I should spend sometime recollecting my thoughts for 2007. Give me sometime, because i think I have turned into hokkienvulgarityclubpresident07@hotmail.com and hokkienvulgarityclubvicepresident07@hotmail.com ahahahahaha.

So Christmas's around the corner and I have no idea how to spend it and I dont think I want to spend it in Sg, no choice but to i think but luckily momsie gets to go Philippines and chill for Xmas! I have been really good but recently I have been pulled back but rest assured I am alright.

So chill out and await for a long time no emo post! I am just so fidgety right now! and really exclamationy! !!!!!!!!

shut up ju.