Wow

Nope, not World of Warcraft.

Wow.

Today was beyond incredible! We actually woke up early in the morning (like morning morning) to have breakfast in CJ!! We went to EpiCentre to service my ipod but fortunately they have to do an one to one exchange!!! New nano, cool beans!!!! Merill Lynch called Jo finally for a job interview! We still get to go BKK!! She still gets a job!! (I hope!) Very pleasing to two worlds at the same time!!!!!! Applied for more jobs at Kelly's!!! Met a friend whom I had not seen for couple of weeks, wanted her to know that it was great seeing her again and that I wish that I would see her again soon somehow if she is still not too angry at me but it was good seeing her again despite all!!! Starbucks at Fullerton!!! My Polaroid has arrived!!!

Today is way too !!!!!! and it is a really a good day so pardon my exclamations! Because I don't think I can use any more exclamations to represent my very very pleasant day with a proper follow through plans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe a tiny moment in the train but it was nonetheless great still!!!)

(okay this exclamation is making me tired!)

see, we will go anywhere! we will just jump hahaha!

i'd wear my heart on my sleeves for you and you will be able to see my heart all the time but as it is, it has already been with you since.

i tell ya it is really a gorgeous great day and it feels like everything's falling into places and damn i never felt this great for a long long while. i am one happy woman.

and you will never have to worry about being pessimistic as a habit because... i am one happy woman.

(never did this before but... )

<3!

(hahaha scoffs at myself)

This whole tale about horoscopes need to be stopped and stop overlooking personal traits as well. It is quite nerve wrecking to be suddenly attacked for as a whole. Seriously, oh my god.

wow i am on westlife's playlist and it is really beautiful, somehow i used to scorn all sappy its-all-about-love/you/she/he songs but tonight i just felt like basking in all the love that people have celebrated for decades and i would be brave enough around this energy to trust that i might be falling. i think i can almost cry upon that thought for i have all consequences lined up but i did not actually cry to think of it because i know something beautiful will be coming out of it and i can't wait.

no wait, it is beautiful and it is going to stay for a longer time.

Guam (Post mortem)

This entry is kinda late but I am really lazy to upload and blog about Guam because the only reason if I would ever fall in love with Guam is for their majestic pacific ocean but I can find at least 5 reasons to never return to Guam!

1. I can't stand being away from Jo
2. Hanging out at starbucks is way better than in Guam
3. No viceroy
4. Way too expensive
5. Don't want to be farther from Jo besides from Srgn Garden to Pasir Ris.

plenty of thrift shops!

just like a portrait

mesmerizing sunset (would bring my mat)

i understand the impact on our friends, i will choose to keep away.

You are angry.

That was a good entry, but I am not asking for any generosity or your kindness or your blessings or your accusations or your perceptions of me. All I am ever going to ask/say is, to know your position and the existence of a particular person. I have no disharmony and no animosity at all but your bitterness betrayed yourself and honestly, you were really skating on a thin ice. For someone like me with no morals, then I think we definitely have something in common.

And for the record, I have been sleeping well in the night.

And I would appreciate the fact that what my past don't even bother my best friend, and it shouldn't bother you and I think it is high time we all behave like an adult because we are no longer kids in high school doing friendship bands because friendship bands don't bind, it is the ties that binds and the grudges we had, foster a better relationship. Time will heal everything but that depends, if you ever decide to let it go.

You want to know the truth now?

Yes we are together.

You will be the first to know. Cease your anger maybe you will see it clearer. I will account for it if you ask me for it. I wont deny my part but I won't overlook yours as well.

I am not bothered but maybe sometimes a little exasperated by how you refuse to see the bigger picture while you just zoomed into me (i.e. betrayal and vicious or (insert word) ) I kept silence hoping somehow you would even try to understand what the picture looks like .

Of course being us, it takes almost to overwrite whatever good has been done or how happy it had been, just for one stupid flaw or mistake.

But just one person, who never overwrite but rewrote all the happiness that has been serving her for years. I do not wish to spell her name.

I am tired of being mentally accused and emotionally abused with your snide sarcasm dripping words. See what I am trying to say here please.

I am not sorry for what has happened but I am sorry for what you are feeling. My sincere apologies.

Maybe it has been long enough since my eyes last spoken. There are things that I don't talk about, please do not void their existence because there are just things that couldn't be spoken and could never be measured with words. Start from scratch.

I won't go missing on you anyhow.

THE YOUTH EMPIRE SHOUTS!

hooray! (zomg check out the acjc uniform girl natalia) HATE GUAM I AM SUPPOSED TO BE INSIDE REPRESENTING THE REST OF THE LESBIAN WORLD (but jill did a pretty good job and she will refute my statement by telling the world she's straight.)

The Youth Empire rock me world!

little did i know i would spend a modest vday this year despite being v.v lonely for coming a year with someone whom i have been spending most of my waking time with. a modest vday with the bare necessities that could make do for two yet feeling so liberated with no eyes or words seething through us. i try not say this with more or less intentions, but i feel safe when i am with her, all of me slows down to take in the moments whenever her name or face appears and no, my heart doesn't accelerates because anything's that fast, don't last. i am not looking at anything else because what i really see and want is the present with no animosity, no great expectations or any savage garden songs or even cheesy lines or maybe worst, a facade. i won't say the cheesy lines to this woman because i find almost zero value in words that many speak these days but i am willing to race against time to paint my favourite scene. not of the future but of the present because time will never standstill or fast forward for all of us and all we have is now, now and now. actually, i never really knew someone like her existed and i never thought about anything else but silently adding points to the points system as she would be loudly reducing my points exclaiming my disability as a spouse but it is okay, maybe one day i will kill her system with one extreme hit (but she will fault me as usual). however all of you wants to see this as, this entry is intended in anyway you choose to perceive, they say imagination is magical.

i like some magical moments.

yeah for you a million times over.

"we waste our time searching for the perfect love instead of creating a perfect love."


acceptance is the imperative.

this oblivion in you makes you so cold and hardly with any thought that keeps you warm for the night or for that it matters, hardly any thought that keeps you looking forward for. come on do away with the oblivion and see what is good for you right in front of your eyes and just be happy. who knows, you could feel what may seemed to be foreign to you, like long long time ago.

to short lived happiness: try to stay longer.

back from guam!

head under water,
and they tell me to breathe easy for a while.
the breathing gets harder, even i know that.

you made room for me but it’s too soon to see,
if i’m happy in your hands.
i’m unusually hard to hold on to.

if you’re on your way,
i’m not gonna write you to stay.
if your heart is nowhere in it,
i don’t want it for a minute.
babe, i’ll walk the seven seas when i believe that there's a reason to,
write you a love song today.
today.

--

love song - sara bareilles

i love it! they have been playing in guam for days and days on HitRadio! wah i began to appreciate american music more somehow with the ocean and the cotton filled skies! (i am even listening to linkin park's latest hit! i am cooLZzkid@hotmail.com ) and yes i have heard teardrops on the guitar!

recently have been in this reverie that never failed to ground me steadily, like i have said before it's better for a has-been than a never-been. it takes me back to years back and somehow time stood still because that has-been was the best thing that i felt and wow basking in it never felt better.

have you ever felt this out-of-the-world feeling? as though you were just typing infront of this monitor sitting down, but you just felt like you moved and you saw yourself doing what you were doing. strange, i think i am exhausted for now.

i dont go crossing boundaries that werent spoken of, nor creating boundaries for things that never existed exactly. realization is part of it, but not all act in accordance to realization because i never prolly never wanted to realize. human minds start to react only with subconscious reminders and for me, i halt completely until a second bus comes along. (stands at the bus stop)

guam 3

today was a bore and i am feeling really lousy and moody right now because i dont get to talk to the people i want to talk to and i am pulling myself to sleep and maybe smoke about another million sticks and just drown in thoughts of how trustful friendships could be, or like how easy it is for another to turn the tables around, or like why am i moody.

ok on a happier note, it is cheryl's birthday tmr! happy birthday best fwenZ i love you ok dont cringe you know u love me too. i dont know what else to give you, i give you my friendship for life (that is to repeat every year with a blood oath) and though sometimes you are just plain rude and annoying and you blame it on you being aquarian, i have no choice but to accept it because by now you should be badly bruised by me. just be happy, even for awhile, although i really wish happiness follows your butt crack everywhere you go. nothing's instant and i am going to throw this one liner again, "even for instant noodles, water have to boil." now that you have someone good and who dotes on you and who loves you, and i wish it would be almost forever or at least until i come back from somewhere else (i have plans) or you know that i would always call you with my pre-paid long distance calling card wherever i go, i promise i wont repeat your loud cryings anymore. just be very very happy, and contented and be less anal thats all i ask of you. ok lovez.

sunday afternoon's on the playlist and i am feeling blue-ier than ever shitto! anyway i ate spam today. i finished ate spam i know it sounds really silly but i have been hearing americans gg like in a diner, hey can i get spam with eggs! hahahahah i get really intrigued by it and dad was like rolling his eyes and scoffing at my spams because it is just

.... an ang moh version of luncheon meat.

but it is so much cooler calling it spam than wu can rou or luncheon meat! ok people we need to start rolling by calling it spam, but dont spam me hor AHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA i love spams! spam me babyyyyy ok, nvm about me.

it is .. oh saturday night and naturally people do go out and enjoy their saturday nights the way i would if i am back in singapore right now! i am just being v bitter, and i want to call out but the phone is going haywire on me and i am really upset right now.

i will just cross the garage without anyone watching out for me. good night world, i will sink into the ground and i wil just..................... go to sleep being moody.

guam 2

hada (something something) ok aloha! ok wrong usage of language here anyway! actually i realized guam isn't compared to hawaii, it is totally compared to honululu! whatever it is, it is still freakin' expensive over here and today we had seoul dinner, was freaking ex and little oh well, because The Mother was craving for kimchi and they had to nag about the prices all over and over again which kinda irritated me, and The Mother irritated me with senseless conversations in the car. She forbade me to sky dive in my life and started her nonsenses.... and she ended with, 'ok fine you want to do it dont let me know.' (and folded her arms) The Father always remain silence anyway.

i love Ross, Dress For Less! i love it, it is totally cheap and there are SO many variations of clothings/shoes/whatever you need! it is like carrefour cheap! yes there are brands as well, these clothes are actually off seasons thats why it is so cheap! omg, the Levi's here are freaking cheap please, only costs like usd 29.99 or usd 39.99!?!?! and there are discounts as well?!!? kidding me i went frenzy over them but i didnt buy them anyway.

ok i bought my first normal bra, really. like normal normal bra, like NORMAL NORMAL BRA that women wear. anyone wants to guess my bra size? heh.

anyway we drove around guam in circles today, and we completed guam. no seriously we have completed it, i think it is smaller than sg albeit small villages and side tracks. and i think we have absolutely no itinerary tomolo (omg i cant believe i typed that..) and i think we are going back to Ross Dress For Less tmr once again!


for now, .... just some sneak preview of what guam has to offer! i will live in guam for their ocean and be a beach bum and not some nurse.

(sigh i fell in love w pacific ocean)

(road trip road trip road trip!)

(lotte, this is only a corner from where i am staying.)

hmm i love staying in hotels (ok inn for this case or like guesthouse or hostels) where there is free internet and coffee all night. just reminded me of when i am back with you guys in starbucks, somehow

wow, if only i could fly.

guam

If anyone bothered, I have touched down in Guam at 4ish am after our flight has been delayed in Singapore for almost one and a half hour in a stuffy and entertainless philipines airline, with two i-think-they-are-lesbians travelers and mom taking up my already very small private place. (dad was somewhere else in the plane)

After slightly 4 hours, we transited at Manila and had to run because of our delayed schedule, dad thought we might missed the flight to Guam. The customs were really stringent and horrible and I thought bangkok was the only country that required me to take off my belt but now I had to like take my clit piercing, belt and shoes. (ok kidding about the clit piercing) They were like touching my breasts, my ass just everywhere...

So another 4 hours later, we reached Guam.

dad gotten a car, but it is like left hand driving! it was scary to drive and like almost too scary to do anything else because dad kept mixing up the controls for the signals and the windscreen wiper or like occasionally squirt some water.

so we slept in an inn, so retro, staying in an inn hahahahahha i wish i could ask for one pot of tea and buns! super budget because the things here are really expensive especially the local brands but if you are going for international brands i.e LV, Chanel, Hermes, Gucci, it is really cheaper. (1 bottle of lemon tea cost USD 3)

Spent the morning navigating our way with our map(s) and did some shopping as well but ... its kinda boring here. Guam looks like hawaii but it is a boring hawaii with no pearl harbour but they do have uh.. two lovers point. lol, it is a cliff that rumoured that two lovers had to elope but couldn't do it so they jumped down the cliff to the endless pacific ocean, and i assume they died. hence, this.. uh two lovers point! kidding me, SO marketing strategy but it was rather beautiful!

the shopping here is actually great and girls would go crazy and spend like 5 hours inside but poor daddy!

there are only 150k in Guam! and most of their tourists are actually japanese! i felt like i am back in Japan! they are like at every other corner and they shop LV like mad hahahahahaha shit i wish i was Japanese, which it could have been happened because my mom was dating a japanese guy before meeting my dad! walao! walao!

i would have been this:

ok kidding but i think my friends dont love me anymore because they are all going for a lesbian party tonight at gotham penthouse and i am stuck in guam and jiayi did it on purpose! oh well, i will just get out of this space and smoke (reds i am smoking reds) while reading the kite runner again.

betrayal could never be so surreal and clenching.

good night world, it is almost 12 here while you guys are watching ch8 chinese news.

(two lovers point)

Today's eve of the lunar chinese new year, and I am leaving for Guam (which i still don't know where it is) at about 5pm. Sorry Goh, no meet-ups yet!

For the birthdays I will be missing:

#1, Laura's 20th. (7th)
#2, Maine's 19th. (9th)
#3, Jiajia's 21st! (9th)
#4, Cheryl's 20th. (10th)

In advance, happy birthday girlies. Always in my heart, anywhere.

Will bring back pictures, that is if I haven't lost my mojo! Meanwhile, enjoy your CNY, and party extra hard for me.

Freebies.

This chicken chop is killing me. Chicken chop = Charlotte. She locks us in the classroom and she went on frenzy on phototaking forcing all of us to surrender our cameras/phone cameras so that she can take photos. I find no absolute reasons for her to act this way and I don't understand why is she such a camwhore. Seriously, thank God i have resorted never ever to bring my Stella (DSLR) to school unless for important events or like whatever except for Chicken chop's frenzies. Not going to indulge her anymore. For those who want a modeling figure for your photo shoots, please go ahead and ask Charlotte. She will do it for free, or maybe just the copies of the photos.

Charlotte will be able to shoot for S/M, Semi Nudity, Fetish, Acting Cute and actually alot of other shots e.g. upskirt shootings.

She gets her pleasure from doing things like these.

Ok email me if you want her to do modeling for your shoots, although free, must pay me commission.

Hello world, how have you been? I have been floating in and out of consciousness especially on Friday night with a bottle of champagne and nearly 100 shots we nearly died, ok i died anyway. I am not weak but because I just wanted to be like dead drunk thats all! I met my objective anyway. Dont ask me why I wanted to be dead drunk or anything like this because i have absolutely no reason neither i am out of love (?!) nor i am just being lonely (!?). Why cant a woman just get drunk anytime of the day she wants?

I have been actually catching up on the whole sex scandal of edison chen and gillian chung and like many more others. But it is really preposterous to blog about in case of any run in with like federal laws or whatever but if you HAVE to know, you have to proceed to Jill's to check out her involvement with Edison as well. She have been exposed the way Bobo chan have been.. (CREDITS TO MUA!) At least Jill is less of a lesbian than I am already, but she is still the Queen of lezzies although she claims to be as straight as an arrow but........ ok we give her the benefit of doubt!

I mean it is really okay to have sex with Edison, and he is totally cutesy. And I will have sex with him la if he wants me, I will give it all to him but no photos boy! hahahahhaa but he is really "small" down there, and I bet kennysia is like so much bigger than him anyway!

I am really bored right now besides spending a little time w sangewea and my books, i have been moping around and watching ally mcbeal season 4! i love ally!

I am leaving on Wednesday to Guam and do not ask me where is it because I have no idea. I think its a faux usa island somewhere...... But i am just going to soak in the sun or like shopping or like take photos or like eat pizza ALONE or like drink some beer in some clubs ALONE since my parents would probably be somewhere else.... Oh god family trip, i really dread but on the other hand, they are paying for everything....... LOVE FAMILY TRIPS. (groans)

Exams are coming. Kids, study.

edison chen is on the roll dude!