i totally hate titles.

fatsumomo

2008-10-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

.wordpress.com

I told you..

2008-10-10T21:05:00.001+08:00

I am moving to wordpress right?

aww.

2008-10-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

kyspeaks.com

HOORAY!!

2008-10-08T18:03:00.003+08:00

I AM MEETING LEONA LO ON SATURDAY! TERRIFIC!

ps: don't be rude and don't judge.

This weekend..

2008-10-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

is almost officially over in another 1 hr and 34 minutes or lesser as I am typing this in. It was a good weekend - reading 4:30 in the national library, vagina monologue, tummy-bursting dinner, up earlier stealing mom's ayam penyet rice, visit to grandmother house eating her hae bee hiam kio (hae bee hiam brinjal?), chilling out with cousin(s) (yh, your presence is invisible but there), hanging out with bb watching pushing daisies and ugly betty, fucking good ayam penyet not to mention heap of rice and more pushing daisies.

hehe thinking of some stuff just got me guffawing so badly.

1) Spearmints was sleeping over (the bossy days) because we were like tour guides to her friends from Sydney and while we were sleeping (very soundly and super tired) i let out a huge long loud fart that woke her up and she proceeded hitting me with her fist because i broke her soundly sleep while I was actually still sleeping.... And it riddled her how could anyone fart so loudly.

2) We were in batam and she went to sleep earlier and I stayed up late to watch "Gustave" on HBO (or was it StarMovies?) but I fell asleep anyway and woke up startled (not sure why) and switched off the TV and lights. So I fell back asleep with her snuggling me to sleep. I was of course sleeping again and I let out a rather funky "calzone pizza" burp.

The unfortunate thing was.. I burped in her face (I swear I didn't know) and she proceeded groaning and hitting me with her fist again, yelling at me 'cause it was .. smelly. Of course its not smelly, not that smelly, its just a.. funky smell. And she flipped to the other side and we just slept.

Of course next morning I got it from her.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee we were like guffawing like crazy.

Of course, this is my last awesome weekend and I am starting work tomorrow. I dont know to feel sad or happy.

Ten things I will miss doing during the daytime

1) Waking up at 10 or later (pretend alarm never rang)
2) Watching youtube or videos
3) Replying emails (Sometimes)
4) Nap
5) Taking a smoke whenever I want to
6) Talking to bb online
7) Lying on the bed
8) Nap
9) Reading book on bed
10) Nap

Sigh.

*cues dramatic exit music* My life is over.

I am going to get reborn now (no not rebond)

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*nothing happens*

Friends! (If I have any left)

2008-10-04T10:35:00.004+08:00

Lets do this!

http://www.lasertag.com.sg/

the outdoor version of laser mania! you guys still remember laser mania? where our warfare begins..

MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

it will be so fun!

This weekend..

2008-10-04T01:43:00.001+08:00

is my last awesome ideal weekend. Because reality sets in on Monday.

Ok Vagina Monologue first.

A letter to J.

2008-10-01T00:57:00.003+08:00

Have you ever wondered how time slips away? Seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months. Have you ever wondered how would it be like to grab hold of something so intangible? Seasons change, people change. Will our feelings change? Will we walk on the street someday, separately and not even acknowledging each other's presence? Will we be such strangers that we forgot we were once so close and so intimate? Is there a guarantee, is there a certainty? Questions that no one can ever answer, processes that will never be seen or realized and its only the end we often see.

Feelings are such an erratic behavior.

I just want a hot coffee, a book and you by my side doing something else. We will share the day and the night growing differently but together. We will rush for work, we will say good byes. We will call each other during lunch, we will say good bye. We will see each other at home at night, we will say good night.

Some days I miss you. Some days I hate you. Most of the days I love you. Just so you know, I am not going to change.

At the end, its only going to be the both of us fighting with each other, for each other. Just the both of us.

You know I love your hair, your face and even grown to love your specs.

I dont know why I am saying this but I just want you to know. Have a good night sleep bb.

With all my heart and soul,
Me.

This woman

2008-09-28T22:32:00.001+08:00

...is freaking back from Batam! Love it, 4 hours of spa is fan-freaking-tastic!

Its another rainy day.

2008-09-26T10:26:00.003+08:00

Rain on me... Do sha la la la..

Whee!

2008-09-23T10:21:00.001+08:00

Excited.

2008-09-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

Hate u bb. Bye.

David Choi - Al Green, Lets Stay Together

2008-09-18T21:10:00.005+08:00

I DONT DO THIS AT ALL, WITH ALL THESE VIDEOS BUT... this.. awwwwwwwwwww. Give him a chance, he will croon your bras off!

loving you whether
whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
lets stay together

AWWWWWWW BB WHERE ARE YOU!

David Choi - John Mayer, Comfortable Cover

2008-09-18T03:40:00.003+08:00

Watch David Choi.

He is my latest muse - the only korean thing (besides korean kimchi noodles)

*lullabied*

(empty)

2008-09-18T02:26:00.000+08:00

Black holes and relevations.

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Black holes and relevations.

We

2008-09-16T18:43:00.002+08:00

... are ready to go Batam on the 27th to 28th. All booked! Spa for 3 hours. Super sexcited.
Fast forward, fast forward..zooom zoom ~

We are

2008-09-13T22:45:00.002+08:00

......... going to Wendy's party at Thumpers tonight!

jonathan meyers makes me shiver.

2008-09-12T09:33:00.001+08:00

it’s the first thing you see as you open your eyes
the last thing you say as your saying goodbye
something inside you is crying and driving you on

cause if you hadn't found me
i would have found you

LIM BU

2008-09-10T15:36:00.001+08:00

.........IS EMPLOYED.

Another cloudy day

2008-09-09T13:02:00.002+08:00

Indeed, another cloudy day and I won't be surprised if it starts raining all over again. Our reservoirs should be fully filled with these barrels of rain water.

Sometimes I get really tired and bored sitting on my red swivel, clicking/looking x 1000 and typing for probably x200. Sometimes fights with jo makes me wonder if we are born to be structured or should we try to be more carefree with life choices. But I know one thing is that.. I have broken jo's structure (grow, learn, marry, birth, old, death). At least for now, what happens in the future, no one knows.

Sometimes fights with her makes me realize I am just too heck-care, bo-chap and too relaxed to have bothers burdening me down. Or is it that she is too bothered by so many things that she wants to control? Our lives past so quickly, quickly second decades are here, and some of you are probably going to be in your third decades, how are we going to measure quality of life? By having alot of money, by having alot of fun, by having alot of achievements, or how many kids have you given birth to?

Growing up is hard. Making a life is hard. Where would we be in the end? Maybe I should be structured.. in a lesbian way I guess. Maybe Jo would love me more.

Maybe when I am old, I can still be a diva. I have a very queer persona I don't know why. I like bright lights, stage and loud flamboyance. With Goldfrapp. I want to flash my boas and pink feathers. I want to be a performer but no one knows who I am so I can perform with all anonymity.

Or opera wayang. I like it when they paint their faces with thick white face paint with exaggerated brows and side burns and little curls at their forehead with thick pink blusher with fiery red lips. With all the costumes; I like it plain like those village girls with long sleeves which I can prance and just sway it just the way I like it.

I am just a woman living in Pasir Ris. Nothing more. Just another woman chasing dreams only in her sleep.

Ok back to clicking. (And HK Series)

sarah mclachlan

2008-09-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?

from Omnia

2008-09-05T18:51:00.002+08:00

now i'm waiting for jo at vv train station and they are playing mambo. it might be a sign. today i worked in mama's office and my lets are numbed sitting down. i'm like really good at admin stuff like blogging Omg haha kidding like cutting paper with the huge ass paper cutter. and there is wifi at harbour front station. sexy. but jo is taking way too long. i should not complain. well i have gotten a new number, so the old number will be defunct. sorry lotte i'm unable to upkeep that number.

wifi is not reliable unless you're home.
sigh jo is not here. .

Live

2008-09-04T13:27:00.002+08:00

Despite my very reluctance back to the Nursing, despite my incessant jobs applications to mostly events/marketing jobs, despite all my cries and fights with jo, I went back and handed in my very late application form. I was on the usual bus at an unintended uncanny timing and I saw a few of the Nursing students, honestly i thought i was wearing the uniform as well! I went back to my ward.

Oh god, the antiseptic smell; the short-walled cubicles; the familiar layout; the familiar faces that were joyed to see me. So nostalgic although only for a month away I felt i was away for the longest time. Then it hit me. I really am going to do it. I just felt like home just like I felt like home when I am in mambo (but obviously we don't go anymore but I am sure I will still feel the same)

It was the last 3 months that gave birth to the re-ignition of passion that sizzles on and off. No it isnt about the patients but the perfect colleagues (though there is one that annoys me). They made work like play.

Hopefully, I will be back to do a many handwashing.

SIGH I CANT BELIEVE IT.

(But I am still waiting for HPB)

Ok I am living.

Other bothers.

2008-09-01T11:19:00.001+08:00

I need to change blog template.

Anyway, do visit this brilliant website by this fantastic girl, kelly!

Jarkata

2008-08-22T18:39:00.004+08:00

Original

12 lotus

2008-08-20T00:55:00.002+08:00

the wrenching part was,

I will let you go first, because I cant bear to see you weeping your tears for me if I left first.

*wails like a cat

Samsung Omnia

2008-08-16T00:35:00.003+08:00

Hmm, sexy. Now she sleeps in my bed.

Vietnam Halong Bay Part 1

2008-08-04T20:06:00.001+08:00

These Vietnam posts are about to end soon I guess because the few first days are really exciting! So, where was I.. Ok. We were at Sapa, Laocai, Vietnam. So we took back the same Deluxe train back Hanoi and we reached Hanoi in the morning say 5am. We were picked up by Ha (Our Guesthouse friendly staff who claimed to be the boss) and we were just in time for our breakfast..

...

Not really but he made our breakfast after he settled us down in his little counter. Sigh! So we had our shower and all. I hate showering last but I can't help it because everytime I passed by the computers I just had to use it be it Spearmints online or whatsoever but I just had to use it and I would be the last one to use the shower.

..

So I came up 45minutes later.

Me: Oi me turn to bathe right.
All in unison: Yes yes..

Walked into the bathroom, whole room so foggy with the hot shower. Quite shiok. Who doesnt love hot shower!

Undressed myself..

Turned the shower tap..

Ok.. cold water. Heater always have to warm up.

... 1 minute later.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAO BYEBYE WATER STILL COLD.

Yells outside:

Me: HOW COME NO HOT WATER GOT ON HEATER OR NOT! CHAO BB!
Emily: Hee! Hot water finished liao!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: GOT SUCH THINGS OR NOT!
Julyn: Yes! Sorry last one is like that! But i lucky still have!

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CHAO BYE BYE.

No choice I had to bathe in cold water, but in return I decided to do bathroom singing loudly.

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The phone rung.

It was from Ha. Someone called the counter to complain of the loud noise that seemed to be coming from our room.

...........................................

CHAO BYE BYE I NO HOT SHOWER NO SINGING WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO.

..........

So I just bathed quietly.

..........

So we had our breakfast (sigh baguette and butter/cheese! and tea!) and we were waiting for our van to pick us up to :

HALONG BAY!

We were cramped in our van as they were quite a number of people. The journey took about 3 to 4 hours and we were just sleeping away and the saddest part was that I forgot to charge sangewea (my then psp) :(

So we took a halfway break at some souvenir place and started doing lame things like ...

I feel lame posting them already but .. that's how lame it was! But it was fun! Some Caucasians decided to film us as he thought we were Japanese. Ooh. (makes porn sounds)

So we carried on with our arduous journey to the north.

So we finally reached our destination. (My pee was about to drip down at this point)

..

So we finally reached our destination. (My pee was about to drip down at this point)

(part 2)

------------

I really miss vietnam alot. I wish I could have millions and millions of dollars and I just want to travel.... and never have to care abt needs, wants, desires...

Anyway, i am happy unemployed but currently working on two projects. In due time you guys would know!

P.s. I am fat.

0

2008-07-31T15:41:00.002+08:00

The last day of my internship.

The best gift I ever got is a Recognition.

2008-07-24T22:55:00.002+08:00

Sitting alone at the bus stop as it was pouring heavily.

2008-07-21T16:35:00.002+08:00

OMG I HAVE BEEN SHORTLISTED FOR AUDITION FOR XIAXUE'S BFF!!! KIDDING WO!

2008-07-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

Omg dawn yang deleted her blog.. does that mean she is guilty...?!

20 days

2008-07-09T00:13:00.002+08:00

I am getting excited because I dont know how my life will fall apart or to rock on after graduation. For almost 20 years, I have done this and that. Maybe for this year and the rest of the good years, I will play by guts, reality and wishful thinking.

Have a nice life, friends. We are gatecrashing reality.

2008-06-28T00:05:00.002+08:00

Today was so busy I thought today would never finished. Well, it did ended and finally its the weekend already! it is definitely a long week end cos i only start work on monday at 9.

9 pm!

I think I am going to tabao

1) chicken rice
2) cup noodles
3) have a nice afternoon filled with starbucks coffee
4) more coffee

whooray! i am going on night shifts and you know what that means?

freedom. :)

Sigh

2008-06-23T21:48:00.003+08:00

Relative A, came running and rushing to us. I saw her coming through.. I was like omg dont tell me. Dont tell me her father .....

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"Missy! My father just passed alot of motion! He cannot stand it anymore! Please help me change his diapers!" *in a breathless tone.

0.o

Who invented emergencies?

Lesbian couple of 55 years ties the knot

2008-06-20T16:27:00.002+08:00

Del Martin (right) 87, and Phyllis Lyon,84, make history - as they are declared "spouses for life."
"For the first day in State of California, we deny no one their rights and opportunity to get married."

I teared upon this news not that the fact that they got married but their love for 55 years, and Del Martin was on a wheelchair. 55 years, do you have any idea how long was that?

I want to have that and wanting to have that makes that one of the top 3 priorities of life. I don't know how much passion, compromises, love, and willingness for them to make it to 55 years.

55 years.

Sigh

HONESTLY?

2008-06-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

Seriously. Today I was working the afternoon shift and I hate afternoon shifts because the weather gets too hot and humid. And afternoon seems boring because I don't get to do much changes and my reports are restricted to I & E (We go by the format of APIE Assessment, Plan, Implementation, Evaluation) unless that fellow comes out with a brand new problem for me to focus otherwise I am usually begging for work to do until the EN comes along with a stack of pink folders.. sigh. Struggling life of a student.

But I digress. Afternoons come evenings which everyone gets off work and suddenly a whole lot of relatives swarming in. Every cubicle you will see a mix of Malays (the whole family comes and picnic with him - trays of food), of Chinese (standing around, talking loudly and wiping body), and Indians (food and drinks and conversing loud too). It is almost scary to walk INTO the cubicle sometimes because everyone would start to ask you to do something. IT IS NOT LIKE I DONT WANT TO, BUT I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS AND TWO LEGS. Sometimes Singaporeans act like they are damn big because they are in the hospital and they paid the subsidized amount. Go figure.

And the worst part is? Interrupting you while you are serving medication. There is a reason why we do wear a vest (not me but the nurses but I get irritated while I am serving medication) that consists of 4 languages, English, Chinese, Malay and Tamil that prints:

Medication Serving Rounds, Do Not Disturb.

Seriously our vest is in fluorescent orange. Suddenly everyone needs a visit to the ophthalmologist! They would just interrupt:

"Sorry, my father passed motion, can you clean him up?"
"Sorry my father wants to go to toilet, can you bring him?"
"Sorry my father needs to move his pillow, can you move?"

How about this, this is the best.

"Sorry, my father's handphone is not ringing, can you please help him to see if the phone is working?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously this diploma and super low pay is getting harder and harder to get. Seriously we are seriously a nurse, a maid, a punching bag, a middleman, and not last and not least, a hp repair woman. Honestly this is getting too absurd, our scope of duty has suddenly widen. We need more recognition behind all these care organizing. Singaporeans need to know their limits. We are honestly not maids, if you want some to serve you on hand on foot, get someone else, not the nurses. Quite sick of being treated like shit, like some low class citizen, like WE OUGHT TO DO IT.

Stop abusing the nurses. We don't get paid much yet we are treated like some labour that everyone gets to abuse. Look at China, their nurses are more focused in the patient care, NOT PATIENT'S NEED, their family members bathed them, cleaned them, feed them, did everything for them. Look at this Singaporeans, sometimes it hurts to even look.

It is not as though I don't enjoy this job, but people need to know their limits and it is wearing my passion thin. I salute to those long serving nurses, they came a hard time.

For now I am going to sleep and rest my bones so that I can 'serve' people tomorrow.

"SORRY CAN YOU FIX MY FATHER'S HANDPHONE?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry it is too ridiculous i have to do it again)

Sapa, Laocai, Vietnam Part 2 (Cat Cat Village)

2008-06-16T22:52:00.002+08:00

I wish I could be there right now, I rather freeze to death then to work. I need a holiday badly. I want to go back to Vietnam and eat pho till I die. Singapore's weather is bound to kill me one day.

"Woman, 21, dies of eccentric weather death."

I want to be free - body mind and soul. I want to feel like I have never felt before. I need to release this energy that is trapped within me. I need to go somewhere.

*hides in spearmints' arm.

p.s. chloe: you actually read all of it! haha

Hello

2008-06-15T01:31:00.003+08:00

The only thing I ever indulgently spent on myself would be a whopping 80 SGD on a haircut. Be it once in every 6 months, once in every 3 months or sometimes once in every 7 weeks or worse, when I feel like my hair is out of control. My hair has natural waves and in Singapore to have waves, it makes your hair wavier, curlier, frizzier because of the hot weather. And nowadays I don't keep the ala Paul Twohill Hair anymore (but Paul said my hair was nice) because it is super out of control that hair police would exist to control my hair (think: hair mousse).

I hate wavy hair and considered soft rebonding but it would scare the hell out of my friends but I really need to do something about my hair. So I told my hairstylist that if I have to make another appointment in less than 3 months, that is it. I would be doing the soft rebonding because I cannot stand the fact that my hair gets out of control. Don't get me wrong because I do shampoo and condition my hair every day but I don't comb it. I mean, come on COMB WHAT? I suit the whole "after-sex" look; disheveled and tousled look.

Personally I feel that having a good haircut (be it the same or different haircut) is a very important factor because it makes a hell load of difference to your image (whatever image you have). Bad haircut with bad dyes, bad bald spots, bad shavings (or rather inappropriate shavings) or whatever you call it, tails.. Such hair turns me off. No offense to whoever has that. I prefer short, neat and prim, although I fancied my Paul Twohill Hair for a couple of years...

But with PTH (Paul Twohill Hair) makes me heavier, sadder, frantic and messy. I feel out of control, i felt the overgrowth and I feel the vegetation. I might get this whole Hair thing from Mother since she goes to the salon every sunday to either get something snipped off or like dye her hair again or whatever. She even had David Gan to cut her hair for 400 SGD?! Kidding me to think I was still having a lousy haircut at my marketplace back then.

Now I have truly understand the fine art of a good hair cut because it makes me feel good about myself (WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK) and I feel tidy and proper. Yes I went for a haircut again. The only indulgence I have since I don't have the urge to buy nice clothes (hence, same clothes also), buy nice gadgets (sigh, i am still thinking about N95 8GB), buy nice material stuffs but I do eat alot because I believe I should never compromise on food! I eat massively sigh i feel like a truck.

6 more weeks to go. I hope my hair stays in place.

Finally another update.

2008-06-06T16:02:00.002+08:00

Omg I am so sorry I havent updated this site for goddamn long but I am turning 21st on the 8th of June! No big parties. I prefer light and easy. Anyway just for a few updates here and there for whoever cares.

Gotten my acceptance letter to La Trobe in Melbourne
Still busting my ass in the hospitals for close to a month, 64 days left to graduation!
Gained weight and look very fat like last time (OMG I KNOW)
I might decided to decline my university acceptance to wait for a year to study in SIM (University of Sydney) while I get to earn money and without having a hold of me from my parents.
P.s. That is the last hold they have of me.
Maybe its funnier to say that I want to decline my university acceptance so that I can sign line here and get my n95 8gb! I KNOW I KNOW! I am still looking for cheap brand new set..
I sold my Sangeawea (PSP!)
I am actually quite good at my job now.
Yes I am still with spearmints.

I will be back with more blogging mojojojo (lol) I PROMISE!

Updates!

2008-05-18T12:09:00.002+08:00

Hooray long weekend, sigh I have been so lazy in blogging but I promise to do so, but here are some updates! (For more updates, check out on my twitter on the left!)

Work has been stressful but meaningful and full of learning. Holding on responsibilities now. 83 more days to graduate!
Sangewea sold!
Getting obsessed with N95 8GB, any good lobangs for a brand new set? Starting price 600SGD! Email me @ hellomorninghowdoyoudo@gmail.com
Loving spearmints more and more each day! Been spending almost the whole weekend with her! We are doing countryside dating, so we aint no townies.
Suddenly everything else seems to be in a blur, I only see what I want to see and I dont know if its the best to keep away, be oblivious or what.
Eeks! This blog is fading away! I am going to post up the rest of the Vietnam pictures! Soon..

88days

2008-05-13T20:46:00.002+08:00

Be steady.
Be steady.

Overdued SF (Singapore Flyer)

2008-05-11T21:24:00.003+08:00

So this is it, the Singapore Flyer that's the talk of the town. Seems like Singaporeans are not so excited about it. 30 minutes of familiar sights/glimpse of sunsets/mini cars/s..l..o...w m..o..t...i..o...n.. Excitement dissolves in within 10minutes of the ride.

So tonight ends the last night of my not-so-free freedom. Had an impromptu short getaway last sunday till wednesday to Redang - snorkeling, banana boat etc. Have been slacking since I've gotten home after Spearmints surprised me by picking me up at Golden Mile! Although she was coerced into but it was an effort that's worth praising for! hahah

Tomorrow resumes my mundane working life for exactly 3 months.

Right now I am just too... jaded to type in anything 'cause baby's up in Gentings and there are so many things shrouded in my head I think its going to burst. Be right back soon.

4GB Deep Red PSP Slim

2008-05-08T14:49:00.002+08:00

I am selling my Sangewea, Deep Red PSP Slim with 4GB memory card at negotiable price of 400SGD. I can insert whatever games you need (that is provided that i am able to find those games that you needed). Excellent condition no scratches. Left on the shelves since my BKK trip and very minimal usage. Email me at hellomorninghowdoyoudo@gmail.com

Lets get down to business.

2008-05-03T15:33:00.002+08:00

I thought I knew how to love and I thought I was good at it, good at pretending to be perfect. But this morning I knew I was wrong and defeated. I admit I am wrong and I am no love saint. And now I know how love knows no boundaries goes about. I am starting to learn to love. So sad I am only starting to see things in another point of view now. We talked till 7 this morning and I never knew so much. I am sorry.

Obligatory post

2008-04-30T13:20:00.002+08:00

I am on a 2 weeks break, so this blog is going to take a 2 weeks break as well because I just want to spend time for myself, with myself and by myself (with spearmints of course). Maybe I will blog tomorrow... But for tonight, WE ARE GOING TO MAMBO, ARE YOU?

SF

2008-04-21T16:49:00.002+08:00

I have booked our flights for this Saturday. We are boarding at 630pm. See you at the top of the world.

(Too many misleading texts coming in. I am not rich enough to go to San Francisco but to Singapore Flyer lah. You all spoil everything)

Sapa, Laocai, Vietnam Part 1

2008-04-17T21:18:00.004+08:00

So I am not kidding about the gazillion loads of photos and it is only day 2. So we stepped on our overnight train!

Tips for Backpackers: Always travel on overnight trains/bus to save one night's accommodation and reach your destination in bright light! Bring sleeping bags. (Little comfort for you)

chaocheebye faces about a long train ride

So we reached Laocai at about 5am, it was so freaking cold. It was at least 10 degrees. No kidding. It was our mistake ok my mistake that it was so cold, and that we are not prepared for the weather! I researched and it was supposed to be cooling, not chilling! So all of us had our jackets (thank god) and Julyn had her socks as mittens! It was freezing and I thought my goosebumps wouldnt stop bumping and my nipples.. I dont even want to go there.

FYI, it was summer. I cannot even imagine winter though I read there would be snow!

So it is only Laocai, we had to hitch another bus ride for an hour or two to reach Sapa Valley. (koonz)

Mount Fansipan

So we reached our Hotel, Royal Hotel. Yes it is a hotel! (Charlotte, scream!) It cost us USD 14 per room (double room), so it cost me about USD 7 for one night! It was really cool and we were very very excited and I started calling mother and complaining the coldness! My god and we were omg so famished! We proceeded on to pho after booking our treks immediately!

Part of Sapa from Hotel view

Not bad for USD 7

Royal Hotel: royallhotel_sapa@yahoo.com, USD 7 per head per night

Ugly face to balance up the beauty.

The weather is rather misty and foggy. And little did we know, that sun has yet to rise. Kidding me, it was like 8ish and the sun is still not up. I see that something else is lazier than spearmints.

There! Sunrise above up. We look like angels sent from above!

State of clarity

So the sunrise was like rather quick and everything was bursting into light!

We started our trek up to near Mt. Fansipan which is the highest peak in Sapa. Currently treks are not very available because they are like, making roads to make it more accessible, so they say, or maybe want to cheat our money and bring us somewhere else. We had a personal tour guide, Moon! We got on the van (oh god, can you say bumpy ?) and hitched for another 2/3/4 hours. Cant remember, lost trek(HAHA TRACK I MEANT) it was very very far. We drove back to Laocai.

Catching moments

4 very cold losers

Water buffalo

Wet rice cultivation

Sexy sow

Civilisation Kampung

Moon, our tour guide ( The one on the left, duh)

Wedding

Sidenote: According to Moon, these women are borrowing big pots, chairs, utensils whatever they need for a big wedding coming up! So everyone's invited I guess.

Boy #1

Boy #2

Mud houses

Duckies on the sides

It is super cute to see ducks waddling by the side as you stroll down the road. Imagine it in singapore! Singapore will be jammed because people like me always stop and coo them for at least 5minutes.

Super old skool, than my home pounder

Attempting to look survival-ish.

I guess not.

Gorgeous kids.

Never burn your bridges

Acting all Pisa

Vietnam for you

Camwhores

So Moon bought us somewhere further into the village and we had to walk this gigantic drain which was very thrilling because it seemed like you are going to fall and you can never return. Very exciting, I kept thinking that spearmints would never able to do it. It looks easy sure, it always looks easy!

5feet above

Sidenote: On the left is the paddy field, on the right is the super muddy track which you will probably slip and die or end up in like quick mud (quick sand?) lol.

Do or die

Conquered!

Stupid face

So it got a little warm with all the actions and all... So what happened was.. that I had a little too much water and I really needed to pee. I really needed to pee so badly, its like ultra distended and it's like threatening to flow out of my meatus, it is already at the tip! It was that urgent! If i laughed a little, this is stress incontinence!

So Moon gave me a umbrella. All of us figured where is the best for me to "do it". Hello jungle anyhow lah! BUT NO, Jungle got immigrants. So over here, they have men popping out and like families staring at you. Zz.

Well, we decided to make use of the umbrella..

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Ok I have to do.

Ok this is the first and last time my fat ass would be up on this site. STUPID JASMINE

The ecstasy flowing.

Sidenote: Moon was laughing. And so were the rest. Why you all laugh at me?YOU ALL NO NEED TO PEE MEH!

Four of us with great padi fields

A long winding road

Eat sugarcane this way!

So we head back to that one of Laocai's village's town and got ourselves some sugarcane! It was very sweet and as juicy as I am. Unglam but good. Who cares about glamness!! But it is damn shiok, Singapore can do it or not?

So we headed back to Sapa and sleeping on the way back. Say bumpy again. We were rather knocked out after the train ride especially. But we were hungry! We went bingeing!

Snacks

My god, Kao lat forever!

Toiletmates

So we walked around Sapa town and checked out this Baguette & Chocolat! This is guesthouse cum restaurant opened to sponsor bakeries students to do their placement here!

After dinner... we were freezing outside.

So we are back to hotel, freezing and climbing into our sleeping bags. Yes we had our sleeping bags and blankets on. It reached 8 degrees in the night and we were shaking. So Jasmine and I decided to share one bed so that we can warm up each other. It was really cold.

So this is actually Sapa.

Part 1.

I am not lying, still got Part 2.

Bedside conversations.

2008-04-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

If you do have someone admitted into the hospital, do you have any idea what topics to converse or what to be said? If it is your friends, it would be easier.

XX (bed13): Whats up man, thanks for coming!
YY: Fuck man, you know JJ fucked WW..
(continues..)

But if your Hainanese spouse is in the hospital,

Spouse (Bed 12): Hmm (groans)
Wife: Have you eaten?
SB12: Hmm yeah

Silence.

Wife: You eat porridge?
SB12: Hmm yes

Silence.

Wife: You eaten already?
SB12: Hmm yes

Silence.

Wife: Eaten all?
SB12: Hmm yes.

Silence.

Oh god it went on for about another 5 minutes and I was just standing there marking all my charts, and I got so bored with the conversation already, until I readily announced that I am about to feed him. I think I saved her from the awkwardness.

2008-04-15T22:38:00.002+08:00

I just want to be indispensable in your life. I just want to be more than who i am to you right now in hopeful times and in plenty many time later. I am so worked out I think I can punch someone. Because I cant seem to drive my point across.

TGIF

2008-04-12T01:38:00.003+08:00

I met an unique Malay family today. As I have mentioned in recent posts that I am in the Geriatrics wards, I have this Malay nek-nek(grandmother) who's partially blind but really cutesy in someway whom had an unique family system. You see, she have 4 daughters and she do not have a permanent home because she rotates around her daughters weekly or every fortnightly. She is KIV home soon and needs to be taken care as she has a silicon IDC(in dwelling catheter) in her so her carers will need to learn how to clear her urine bag and to keep clean of the catheter etc. So the 4 daughters eagerly came down and wanting to learn since 4 of them are going to take care of them with their husbands as well. It warmed my heart knowing that they love their mother so much and they have no qualms about taking care and learning to take care of their mother. This is family. Not like me, stupid Chinese. All proud and mighty, with all affluences and commitments, we cant even put it down to tender our utmost care for our loved ones. Me stupid Chinese only throw our emaciated and sick loved ones into nursing homes , hospices, hospitals to let anyone , everyone but themselves to take care. I feel deeply embarrassed for the first time. Because the 4 daughter's eagerness and that light in their eyes have shadowed my competency to be a good daughter or a good granddaughter.

So all chinese, learn from this. Stop talking about those extremists or even stupid Mas Selemat (he is obviously gone from this place) AS ALL OF US would know, that this MS shit has gone from extremely high profile to really low profile already because the gahmen knows that Singaporeans forget easily. (They have something to hide, maybe) Look at the Edison Chen Sex Scandal.. OMG EXCITING, OMG SEX, OMG BOBO, OMG CECILIA, OMG PUSSY HAIR! Ya now? Who cares. Then came this MS guy, roll eyes. Ya so he limps. Ok now everyone don't really care anymore because it is like overrated. The only people who care are those contraband sellers (whom are rigging up the contraband cigs prices because it is harder to smuggle in now due to my next point) and those who are often stuck in the stupid woodlands jam due to heavy checks.

Oh please, he is quite a loser. JUST PLANNING TO BOMB YISHUN AND GET CAUGHT LIAO. he probably fell into some hole in the forest and died, and no one will ever know and we all hope that the jam will ease so that I can plan for my Genting trip.

I have digressed.

华人，我们要有爱心对待我们的家人!

!

2008-04-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

Sapa, Laocai, Vietnam Pig

Spearmints always call me this. (She is jealous we have same breast size) she seriously loves me to the max!

( I guess this blog is non halal now...)

2008-04-09T16:47:00.004+08:00

I have not rant for quite a bit actually nothing much to be ranted about i guess. So now I am posted in the Gerontology Unit which means I have patients who are only 75 and above. The pace is slow and goes according to the patient. If your "ah ma" takes 20 minutes to walk to the toilet with her walker, so be it, everyone else will be delayed 20 minutes. It is a chain effect as "ah ma A" takes 20 mins to walk, 20 mins to bathe, 20 mins to walk back. "ah ma A" takes about 1 hour to complete one task. "ah ma B" have to wait for one hour to get her morning shower, and you best pray that "ah ma B" is being wheeled.

No complaints about the ward. Yet. My skills are rusty because I have not returned to medical wards for almost, i dont know more than six months? I don't feel noob at medical anymore, because I can practically do anything I want (except for like Controlled Drugs) and I know what I need to do so basically I am functioning well right now.

Been pondering about future plans. Thought of majoring something else instead of BA Nursing but the thought of studying for another 3 years makes me shudder. So I guess if all goes well in next half a year, I should be all set for BA Nursing (Which I have yet to retrieve the form and to make a visit to what-his-name) and maybe join the Singapore Zoological Gardens to be a zookeeper.

I am kidding of course. If all goes well with spearmints and I while I am doing dodgy things in Melbourne, I would return back to homeland but if not, I guess my plans being a Traveling Nurse should be implemented. If we are still going very strong, I will come back to homeland and I am going to join HPB to do campaigns/policies. I have choices, maybe I should go back to where I belong to, the damn wards or A&E. NOW, that thought is exciting although I feel stupid in A&E. It takes time isnt it?

Or maybe go audition somewhere as a drag queen. I think I have an inner taste and talent for drag queens. I know, I am like female but I am like a gay man trap in a female body! (A gay man who's like a lesbian, I know, I am confused) I want to don on all pink boa feathers and like all over me and lip sync to Madonna, Tina Turner or Christina Aguilera or Kylie Minogue or even Goldfrapp! I dont care, I just want to be flamboyant and just strut down the aisle with utmost glam. O

Yucks. I have a gay man's fascination. No offense to Paul or Jon or whogayever but I am sure you dont have fascinations like this do you... ? But I am happy being a female, somehow this gay man thingy is like struggling inside. Wow, I am officially like Gender Dysphoric.

But I am fine being myself, spearmints loves me the way I am, my mother loves me, my cousins love me and my friends love me!

*croons I AMMM BEAAAAUTIIIIIIIFULLLL NOOOO MATTTTEEERRR WHHHHHHHAAAAT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY SAY, WORRRDDSSS CANTTTTT BRIIINNNNGGGG MEEEEEE DOWNNNNNNNN, OOOOOHHHH YEAHHHHHH*

*shakes to candyman*

For now I am going to take a nice little nap while spearmints is out with the other woman. I cant stand being the second woman always. Not fair. WHY CANT I BE THE ONLY ONE. WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

p/s: Will someone nice purchase a pro flickr account for me...? Please?

Mind your body!

2008-04-06T22:06:00.003+08:00

1. Apples are fat, sodium and cholesterol free!
2. A medium apple contains about 80 calories!
3. They are a great source of the fibre pectin! One apple has 5g of fibre!
4.Twenty five percent of an apple's volume is air. That is why apples float!
5. Don't peel your apple. Two thirds of the fibre and lots of antioxidants are found in the peel!

Very interesting somehow, came across it in Mind Your Body article, March 26 2008.

So do you think that Orange has the highest vitamin C?

Wrong.

Its guava.

Despite it being super citrus, it does not equate to a greater source of Vitamin C.

(I am getting this whole Juju trivia going on. Its cool!)

OT Week.

2008-04-03T16:48:00.002+08:00

Finally this OT (Operating Theatre) posting is ending. The boredom and the arrogance of the staffs are killing me. I feel like a rat especially when JCIA is taking place. We get shooed when we are walking in the corridors into the theatres by the managers; we get shooed out of the theatres into the scrub room; we get shooed out of the scrub room to have breaks; we get shooed out of the pantry while having our (very long) breaks because JCIA is auditing the pantry; we hid in the changing room in fear; we get shooed out of the changing room because JCIA is coming; we hid in the toilet till we get shooed out and ran into the managers who eventually shooed us into the tutorial room to watch lame videos until the end of shift.

This rat is going to meet her rat girlfriend now.

P.s. Being an OT staff don't make you better than any other department staff. Friends, we need to stop the vicious cycle of ill-treating students! We are definitely being taken over by the PRC girls.... It is high time we write into the Forum and complain. OT is FLOODED with PRCs and it is killing me. I don't mind them if they are fucking humble BUT NO.

(Gerontology posting next week. I hope got year 1 students so I can bully them and make them take ALL the parameters! )

Dinner date

2008-03-31T02:07:00.002+08:00

Dinner date with spearmints on saturday (since the house is empty!). Decided on great meal great company and following great sex. We is becoming cooking mama like lotte! This is the first time I have actually cooked a decent meal with someone.

Menu:
Cajun ribeye, mash potatoes,
egg mayo, broccoli carrots,
portabella mushrooms with semi dried tomatoes, streaky bacons and loads of mozzarella!

like feist would sing in 'gatekeeper'.. Making love and making their dinner. ♪

we're going to do it again ( hope it isnt burritos because she have a sudden craving for it)

Vietnam, Hanoi Day 0/1

2008-03-26T22:40:00.005+08:00

A long awaited trip, Vietnam since last September. 3rd March took me away, on TigerAirways! We touched down at Hanoi about 8pm-ish (Vietnam time is always 1 hour slower than Singapore!) With our pick up service waving "Jasmine Huang", we scooted off to the famous Old Quarters of Hanoi, popular with backpackers! We took some time to get our Vietnam prepaid cards which cost us about 150,000 Dong. (USD$1 = 15000 Dong)

It was rather chilling in Hanoi, about 20 Degrees.

14 Bat Su Street, Old Quarter

Our humble Hanoi Guesthouse, which cost us about USD 7.50 per head per night with two computer station (one with skype which hangs quite often if you click or move too fast!), a counter (which Ha our friendly guesthouse staff, makes our breakfasts, make bookings, take tour bookings, watches soccer, making calls and makeshift office - behind the only counter), a fridge and a couple of furnitures for us to sit down and consume our mini breakfast! If you just want a place to sleep and put your heavy backpacks down, this is a recommended place! (Ha promised us that if we go back again, we will stay the nights for free!)

14 Bat Su Street, Old Quarter, Hanoi Guesthouse : Hot shower (which runs out quite quickly like a reservoir if you are the last one to bathe), A/C, TV with more shows than Singapore including HBO, Star Movies etc, a nice balcony for you to smoke and hang your panties. Power sockets are available, towels and bathroom slippers. Beds are cosy and blankets are sufficiently warm. Most importantly, clean and comfortable. Tours/Train/Plane tickets are available for booking in the guesthouse itself.

the kind of photo you have to take in front of your guesthouse.

48, Pho Hang Dong

Let me tell you this stall (in yours truly's opinion) serves the best pho in Hanoi. The soup base is just so tasty (no MSG believe it or not!) and so right for the weather. The soup is light with a little beef smell and nothing fishy. The beef slices are succulent and sufficient with the pho. Add alot of their Vietnam chilli sauce, fish sauce and vinegar! This is heaven, till now I still dream of eating this stall's pho. Turn left after leaving the guesthouse and walk straight and you will see this stall.

Till this point of time, I think I should let you know the horrible traffic they have there. Their major transportation is motorbikes, and only taxis are much seen on the streets. The traffic is like a war zone. Its either you die or they die but they will pretty much swerve to get around you. It is highly challenging as we did yelped a lot crossing the roads. (They dont really care about traffic rules) We got used in two days, and it helped ALOT in HCMC.. And in Vietnam, they horn alot. They horny sia.

As I was saying,

Sorry I was just being really pho-gelicious.
(Say pho like fur)

And at this point of time, my camera died on me. The lens sensor spoilt and I could not take pictures. My devastation ended when I ate the pho. But I was still upset.

Vietnamese eating pho at other streets filled with Pho stalls.

Busy traffic

West of Hoan Kiem Lake, St Joseph's Cathedral and Stone Lady Pagoda

Looks rather scary, we stumbled upon it after getting lost in Old Quarters trying to find the Hoan Kiem Lake. Unfortunately the night was getting late, MY FRIENDS were tired so we went back to the Guesthouse for a good night which turned out to be quite a nice night because I was rather visually raped by the girls.

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Morning came, the horn-ing never stopped and it woke us up! Morning Hanoi! Very cold in the morning, it was like nipple erecting cold and like goosebumps like everywhere and I meant it, EVERYWHERE!

Morning shot with the rest of the Old Quarters

Our breakfast which was made on the only counter.

Baguettes are the staple food of Vietnam and you will see it everywhere since French Colonization.

The Hoan Kiem Lake (The Lake of the Restored Sword)

Raffles-wannabe at The Hoan Kiem Lake

The Tortoise Towers and wannabes again.

Motorbikes and cyclos

Giving you the Vietnam Street

Buns which we never tried because one of them (lower shelf) it looks like da bian (shit)

"Wannabe Vietnamese Girl Carrying Pineapples Got Ripped Off For This Picture For 20,000 Dong And Had A Pack Of Pineapples."

Camwhore until need to pay money.

Public Undergarments Sellers.

Decorative lights

Sidenote: Vietnamese are very organized. They have streets for Shoes, Bags, Clothes, Art decorations, Paints, Tombstone, Dry Food, Wet Food etc. Unlike Singapore, give you one bugis you are immediately overwhelmed by the rojak-ness of it. (Rojak = Malays Fruit Salad mixed with Peanut sauce) The Old City and 36 Streets.

Wet Market

Dry Food Market

Not kidding when I tell you there are streets for Tombstones. They have already erected one for Britney Spears. (SCREAMS LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!)

Wreaths.

Honestly, not trying to be bimbotic, but I didnt really know it was wreaths until we saw a wake with similar designs...

Fresh flowers too with Emily

Colours

This busy at 10am.

Ngoc Son Temple and Sunbeam Bridge

Sunbeam bridge

Beaming with Jasmine

3 idiots

Wannabes.

Still near The Hoan Kiem Lake

"Grateful"

Ok, not exactly.

Our first public toilet experience.

Dont say 'toilet'. Say, 'W.C'

Chilling with Vietnamese Coffee, the atas way.

It is way gao-er than gao gao gao gao gao, really thick with plenty of condensed milk. Shiok! I didnt finish it I was scared that I was unable to sleep at night since we are going on a train for the night!

Viceroy is my vice.

Chilling the Singaporean way

Fuzzy streets

Railway in the middle of the streets and homes

Majestic doors to .. I dont know.

Navigators and Loafer.

Tags: Bollywood, Tree, Indian, Loafer, West Lake

The other side of the world

Tran Quoc Pagoda with Julyn

Taking you in. One pillar Pagoda

Buddha wannabes

Bakeries.

Bakeries are largely found in Hanoi. Stop by any bakery for some good licking donuts, baguettes and more funky breads! (new term by spearmints)

On our way to Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum Complex

Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum

Sidenote: I was trying to be funny here and the guards whistled at me and pointed their guns at me threatening to shoot as I was lying down on the restricted area(picture below). Ok I am kidding about the guns but they did chase me away with a string of Vietnamese words.

So not restricted

The Ho Chi Minh Museum

Vietnamese Beer

Sidenote: It is as light as Hoegaarden and it is cheap! 15,000 Dong, USD $1. No bad after taste.

We headed back to our Guesthouse to wash up and get ready for our overnight train to Laocai, Sapa.

Tran Quy Cap St, Train station

Vietnam Railways

Julyn

Ready for the ride

Sidenote: I collected my camera in the afternoon after dropping it in one of the camera shops located near the Hoan Kiem Lake. It cost me USD $60 to fix the lens sensor. I am still not sure if I got ripped off. For those who fear that their cameras would malfunction, dont worry, the people here will charge you overpriced prices but you will still be willing to hand it to them. We LL and BB. (Lanlan and Bo Bian)

All set

Sidenote: I lost my favourite grey american outfit tshirt in Hanoi guesthouse when we were back from Sapa. I am still very upset over it.

Having a moment with Spearmints.
Note: The very grumpy and dissatisfied face.

Ready to depart

Train attendant

Our deluxe class train bunk

Of course we did not book the deluxe class because we are on budget but heaven's on our side knowing that we have a longer train ride to catch, therefore he had our Guesthouse staff Ha forgotten all about our train ride and he had to book the deluxe class but charging us at the standard sleeper berth!

Deluxe: Clean, smells good, A/C, great wallpapers, comfy beds (not too hard or soft), all with bedsheets, blankets, reading lights, two power sockets.

Standard: Not sure.

Ready to sleep

Reflective night (towards Spearmints)

This is tiring, blogging about trips. And this is only day 1?! I have like 10 days worth of photos! This is totally photo overload! I kinda miss vietnam and like, pho too. Been wanting to eat it since last week. Anyway, work has been good today. I am working in the same department as my aunt and she is cool. (Xie Ling!) She is an associate consultant, super cool in ED hahahah!

Have been spending time with my spearmints after work as well! Not enough not enough! You hear me or not........... okay weekend is coming!

Lately I have been thinking about India and of course spearmints!

P/s: I think I have a new tag line for my travelogues. "Travel the Juju way." HAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

The Pillowman

2008-03-24T22:21:00.005+08:00

I have date on Sunday with The Pillowman.

side note: it is brilliant working in the ED (emergency department), i actually feel belonged and i am quite rusty for now since i have not returned to the hospital for quite a bit! but i is ECG (electrocardiogram) expert now. quite a little of adrenaline rush when i see blood trickling down auntie's face.

BKK 14/03-19/03 08

2008-03-22T03:53:00.003+08:00

so this is the first time best friend and i kinda like travelled overseas with our girlfriends and it was quite exciting to think of it. so spearmints (girlfriend) and i went over the night before cheryl and felicia did and we spent the night walking down khaosan road and being mesmerized by neon billboards, where our guesthouse is (Green House GuestHouse, Soi Rambuttri, Khaosan) really the bare necessity. our walls are plain, our beds are not really freshly made, the aircon isnt that fantastic (but i realized the trick only like 3days later), the room is quite boring but the shower is great i guess. but it is okay because spearmints does the trick by making it seemed like its like the greatest hotel in the world (quote "as long as i am with you")

(their first breakfast at our guesthouse with grumpy and grouchy faces due to hot weather)

(spearmints)

(directing our way to like Mah Boon Khong at Siam)

(Our first tuk tuk experience and she really likes it!)

(did the whole 4 side prayers so that she will get a job soon! got cheated by some auntie who speaks chinese but its okay i guess... since its for smth good! )

(walking down to pratunam market! weird signs consisting alien)

(we went out of bangkok and visited Kanachaburi, central thailand which WW2 took place and visted the WW2 museum!)

(the death railway which alot of them died building this railway which is totally inaccessible anyway - they spelt it as jeath railway but maybe to make it sound very very horrifying hence deathrail way)

(death railway and us) (scream menses)

(our train ride! spearmints and i are like great, we covered like air (plane), land(tuk tuk, railway, skytrains, taxis everything else except for bus), sea (we took river ferry almost like everyday) and like walk so much until she is totally exhausted and feeling all sick-ish in sg !)

(on the king of the herd - elephant riding.) (walao she look like felicia chin leh i think my teeth is getting a relapse better wear more retainers.)

(we are really on the king of the herd, the biggest and like highest hahah)

(bamboo rafting, which is quite romantic, shiok and like funny because spearmints is so afraid of falling into the water which she will perpetually shout out " dont go so near the edge later you fall in and die." like 872327472784 times and because of her she felt like she is going to drown we had to wear life jacket because she cant tread water but pretend knows how to swim a little and afterall awhile she felt stupid for wearing life jackets)

(she has like flair in photography and i look horrible there but the setting is just nice, maybe she has perceptions as well. well.....)

(our last night in Yaowatraj Chinatown feasting on crabs/king prawns/tom yum and like birdnest! cheap cheap!)

(see i told you, we had a lot)

we didnt really take much photos but we took alot of polaroids! just basking in each other's company since i have been away for too long and going to be busy for the next 4months! now we are back in sg, having stomach aches, diarrhea and like feverish! ok spearmints is in quite bad shape right now because she claims that i have exhausted her mentally and physically, quoting her" i cant feel my legs anymore", serve her right for being such a bum in sg! she is not recovering from her diarrhea and bad stomach pains.. and getting worried.

all she could think was about the 2000 baht sharkfins that we had, gone to waste in the bowl. hahahaha how to not love this woman!

i am waiting waiting for the whole collection of the vietnam trip photos and will publish them up soon, thank god i decided not go to tioman on friday morning because it would have marked the entire march of not being home! for now, my soul is in peace and piece i am ready to work and i am satisfied with the life that i am having right now filled with very much contentment.

i am back in the community to work for the next 4 months, i guess i will update often and not go on hiatus!

(planning my next huge ass trip - india!)

for now, a fugue is not needed.

2008-03-14T13:24:00.002+08:00

Ok I know I havent been updating much because I am like busy flying around which comes to my point that I am leaving later for BKK and I will only be back by next thursday (virtually).

P.s. Cousins please tell grandmother I love her!

A little bit of Vietnam for you.

2008-03-10T21:00:00.002+08:00

In Cat Cat Village, Sapa (Nope no cats)

Just a little for all of you that have been reading this empty space. I will be back on Wednesday (hopefully) to wash clothes and rest, and will be flying to Bangkok on Friday! But I will be updating..... I hope! Photos overload. I just recovered from a malicious diarrhea and flu. (Passed it to Jasmine!)

I am totally pho-gelicious. HAHAHAHHAHAHA (dont kill me)

2008-03-09T06:03:00.001+08:00

I survived the 33hr train ride to HCMC. So this hello from HCMC at 5am while my checking time is at 12pm. How lovely. More pho for me then.

(diarrhea)

2008-03-06T08:03:00.002+08:00

Back to Hanoi after Sapa, I am waiting for my bus to Halong Bay! Another 4 hours bus ride! 10 hours of train ride to Sapa, with the lowest of 5deg celsius and 10 hours train ride back to Hanoi. All of us are wearing shorts and singlets, we are like immediately like porn star in the Hanoi streets. It is freezing!

BBL

2008-03-02T06:40:00.000+08:00

So I will be leaving for Vietnam in about 10 hours. You kids be good at home, keep away from drugs, make no ah lian or ah beng friends, go zouk lesser, drink lesser mahito/(insert whatever drinks), smoke lesser(haha), and be happier.

Hanoi, Sapa, Halong Bay, HCMC.

Finally, I am realizing the things I want. But I hate leaving you behind those doors.

Wow

2008-02-29T19:15:00.004+08:00

Nope, not World of Warcraft.

Wow.

Today was beyond incredible! We actually woke up early in the morning (like morning morning) to have breakfast in CJ!! We went to EpiCentre to service my ipod but fortunately they have to do an one to one exchange!!! New nano, cool beans!!!! Merill Lynch called Jo finally for a job interview! We still get to go BKK!! She still gets a job!! (I hope!) Very pleasing to two worlds at the same time!!!!!! Applied for more jobs at Kelly's!!! Met a friend whom I had not seen for couple of weeks, wanted her to know that it was great seeing her again and that I wish that I would see her again soon somehow if she is still not too angry at me but it was good seeing her again despite all!!! Starbucks at Fullerton!!! My Polaroid has arrived!!!

Today is way too !!!!!! and it is a really a good day so pardon my exclamations! Because I don't think I can use any more exclamations to represent my very very pleasant day with a proper follow through plans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe a tiny moment in the train but it was nonetheless great still!!!)

(okay this exclamation is making me tired!)

see, we will go anywhere! we will just jump hahaha!

i'd wear my heart on my sleeves for you and you will be able to see my heart all the time but as it is, it has already been with you since.

i tell ya it is really a gorgeous great day and it feels like everything's falling into places and damn i never felt this great for a long long while. i am one happy woman.

and you will never have to worry about being pessimistic as a habit because... i am one happy woman.

(never did this before but... )

<3!

(hahaha scoffs at myself)

2008-02-27T19:25:00.002+08:00

This whole tale about horoscopes need to be stopped and stop overlooking personal traits as well. It is quite nerve wrecking to be suddenly attacked for as a whole. Seriously, oh my god.

2008-02-26T02:30:00.002+08:00

wow i am on westlife's playlist and it is really beautiful, somehow i used to scorn all sappy its-all-about-love/you/she/he songs but tonight i just felt like basking in all the love that people have celebrated for decades and i would be brave enough around this energy to trust that i might be falling. i think i can almost cry upon that thought for i have all consequences lined up but i did not actually cry to think of it because i know something beautiful will be coming out of it and i can't wait.

no wait, it is beautiful and it is going to stay for a longer time.

Guam (Post mortem)

2008-02-23T05:24:00.003+08:00

This entry is kinda late but I am really lazy to upload and blog about Guam because the only reason if I would ever fall in love with Guam is for their majestic pacific ocean but I can find at least 5 reasons to never return to Guam!

1. I can't stand being away from Jo
2. Hanging out at starbucks is way better than in Guam
3. No viceroy
4. Way too expensive
5. Don't want to be farther from Jo besides from Srgn Garden to Pasir Ris.

plenty of thrift shops!

just like a portrait

mesmerizing sunset (would bring my mat)

i understand the impact on our friends, i will choose to keep away.

2008-02-22T10:26:00.002+08:00

You are angry.

2008-02-22T03:17:00.002+08:00

That was a good entry, but I am not asking for any generosity or your kindness or your blessings or your accusations or your perceptions of me. All I am ever going to ask/say is, to know your position and the existence of a particular person. I have no disharmony and no animosity at all but your bitterness betrayed yourself and honestly, you were really skating on a thin ice. For someone like me with no morals, then I think we definitely have something in common.

And for the record, I have been sleeping well in the night.

And I would appreciate the fact that what my past don't even bother my best friend, and it shouldn't bother you and I think it is high time we all behave like an adult because we are no longer kids in high school doing friendship bands because friendship bands don't bind, it is the ties that binds and the grudges we had, foster a better relationship. Time will heal everything but that depends, if you ever decide to let it go.

You want to know the truth now?

Yes we are together.

You will be the first to know. Cease your anger maybe you will see it clearer. I will account for it if you ask me for it. I wont deny my part but I won't overlook yours as well.

I am not bothered but maybe sometimes a little exasperated by how you refuse to see the bigger picture while you just zoomed into me (i.e. betrayal and vicious or (insert word) ) I kept silence hoping somehow you would even try to understand what the picture looks like .

Of course being us, it takes almost to overwrite whatever good has been done or how happy it had been, just for one stupid flaw or mistake.

But just one person, who never overwrite but rewrote all the happiness that has been serving her for years. I do not wish to spell her name.

I am tired of being mentally accused and emotionally abused with your snide sarcasm dripping words. See what I am trying to say here please.

I am not sorry for what has happened but I am sorry for what you are feeling. My sincere apologies.

2008-02-19T23:04:00.002+08:00

Maybe it has been long enough since my eyes last spoken. There are things that I don't talk about, please do not void their existence because there are just things that couldn't be spoken and could never be measured with words. Start from scratch.

I won't go missing on you anyhow.

THE YOUTH EMPIRE SHOUTS!

2008-02-18T15:23:00.002+08:00

hooray! (zomg check out the acjc uniform girl natalia) HATE GUAM I AM SUPPOSED TO BE INSIDE REPRESENTING THE REST OF THE LESBIAN WORLD (but jill did a pretty good job and she will refute my statement by telling the world she's straight.)

The Youth Empire rock me world!

2008-02-18T01:57:00.004+08:00

little did i know i would spend a modest vday this year despite being v.v lonely for coming a year with someone whom i have been spending most of my waking time with. a modest vday with the bare necessities that could make do for two yet feeling so liberated with no eyes or words seething through us. i try not say this with more or less intentions, but i feel safe when i am with her, all of me slows down to take in the moments whenever her name or face appears and no, my heart doesn't accelerates because anything's that fast, don't last. i am not looking at anything else because what i really see and want is the present with no animosity, no great expectations or any savage garden songs or even cheesy lines or maybe worst, a facade. i won't say the cheesy lines to this woman because i find almost zero value in words that many speak these days but i am willing to race against time to paint my favourite scene. not of the future but of the present because time will never standstill or fast forward for all of us and all we have is now, now and now. actually, i never really knew someone like her existed and i never thought about anything else but silently adding points to the points system as she would be loudly reducing my points exclaiming my disability as a spouse but it is okay, maybe one day i will kill her system with one extreme hit (but she will fault me as usual). however all of you wants to see this as, this entry is intended in anyway you choose to perceive, they say imagination is magical.

i like some magical moments.

yeah for you a million times over.

2008-02-16T05:29:00.002+08:00

"we waste our time searching for the perfect love instead of creating a perfect love."

acceptance is the imperative.

2008-02-15T09:38:00.003+08:00

this oblivion in you makes you so cold and hardly with any thought that keeps you warm for the night or for that it matters, hardly any thought that keeps you looking forward for. come on do away with the oblivion and see what is good for you right in front of your eyes and just be happy. who knows, you could feel what may seemed to be foreign to you, like long long time ago.

to short lived happiness: try to stay longer.

back from guam!

2008-02-13T02:55:00.000+08:00

head under water,
and they tell me to breathe easy for a while.
the breathing gets harder, even i know that.

you made room for me but it’s too soon to see,
if i’m happy in your hands.
i’m unusually hard to hold on to.

if you’re on your way,
i’m not gonna write you to stay.
if your heart is nowhere in it,
i don’t want it for a minute.
babe, i’ll walk the seven seas when i believe that there's a reason to,
write you a love song today.
today.

--

love song - sara bareilles

i love it! they have been playing in guam for days and days on HitRadio! wah i began to appreciate american music more somehow with the ocean and the cotton filled skies! (i am even listening to linkin park's latest hit! i am cooLZzkid@hotmail.com ) and yes i have heard teardrops on the guitar!

recently have been in this reverie that never failed to ground me steadily, like i have said before it's better for a has-been than a never-been. it takes me back to years back and somehow time stood still because that has-been was the best thing that i felt and wow basking in it never felt better.

have you ever felt this out-of-the-world feeling? as though you were just typing infront of this monitor sitting down, but you just felt like you moved and you saw yourself doing what you were doing. strange, i think i am exhausted for now.

i dont go crossing boundaries that werent spoken of, nor creating boundaries for things that never existed exactly. realization is part of it, but not all act in accordance to realization because i never prolly never wanted to realize. human minds start to react only with subconscious reminders and for me, i halt completely until a second bus comes along. (stands at the bus stop)

guam 3

2008-02-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

today was a bore and i am feeling really lousy and moody right now because i dont get to talk to the people i want to talk to and i am pulling myself to sleep and maybe smoke about another million sticks and just drown in thoughts of how trustful friendships could be, or like how easy it is for another to turn the tables around, or like why am i moody.

ok on a happier note, it is cheryl's birthday tmr! happy birthday best fwenZ i love you ok dont cringe you know u love me too. i dont know what else to give you, i give you my friendship for life (that is to repeat every year with a blood oath) and though sometimes you are just plain rude and annoying and you blame it on you being aquarian, i have no choice but to accept it because by now you should be badly bruised by me. just be happy, even for awhile, although i really wish happiness follows your butt crack everywhere you go. nothing's instant and i am going to throw this one liner again, "even for instant noodles, water have to boil." now that you have someone good and who dotes on you and who loves you, and i wish it would be almost forever or at least until i come back from somewhere else (i have plans) or you know that i would always call you with my pre-paid long distance calling card wherever i go, i promise i wont repeat your loud cryings anymore. just be very very happy, and contented and be less anal thats all i ask of you. ok lovez.

sunday afternoon's on the playlist and i am feeling blue-ier than ever shitto! anyway i ate spam today. i finished ate spam i know it sounds really silly but i have been hearing americans gg like in a diner, hey can i get spam with eggs! hahahahah i get really intrigued by it and dad was like rolling his eyes and scoffing at my spams because it is just

.... an ang moh version of luncheon meat.

but it is so much cooler calling it spam than wu can rou or luncheon meat! ok people we need to start rolling by calling it spam, but dont spam me hor AHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA i love spams! spam me babyyyyy ok, nvm about me.

it is .. oh saturday night and naturally people do go out and enjoy their saturday nights the way i would if i am back in singapore right now! i am just being v bitter, and i want to call out but the phone is going haywire on me and i am really upset right now.

i will just cross the garage without anyone watching out for me. good night world, i will sink into the ground and i wil just..................... go to sleep being moody.

guam 2

2008-02-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

hada (something something) ok aloha! ok wrong usage of language here anyway! actually i realized guam isn't compared to hawaii, it is totally compared to honululu! whatever it is, it is still freakin' expensive over here and today we had seoul dinner, was freaking ex and little oh well, because The Mother was craving for kimchi and they had to nag about the prices all over and over again which kinda irritated me, and The Mother irritated me with senseless conversations in the car. She forbade me to sky dive in my life and started her nonsenses.... and she ended with, 'ok fine you want to do it dont let me know.' (and folded her arms) The Father always remain silence anyway.

i love Ross, Dress For Less! i love it, it is totally cheap and there are SO many variations of clothings/shoes/whatever you need! it is like carrefour cheap! yes there are brands as well, these clothes are actually off seasons thats why it is so cheap! omg, the Levi's here are freaking cheap please, only costs like usd 29.99 or usd 39.99!?!?! and there are discounts as well?!!? kidding me i went frenzy over them but i didnt buy them anyway.

ok i bought my first normal bra, really. like normal normal bra, like NORMAL NORMAL BRA that women wear. anyone wants to guess my bra size? heh.

anyway we drove around guam in circles today, and we completed guam. no seriously we have completed it, i think it is smaller than sg albeit small villages and side tracks. and i think we have absolutely no itinerary tomolo (omg i cant believe i typed that..) and i think we are going back to Ross Dress For Less tmr once again!

for now, .... just some sneak preview of what guam has to offer! i will live in guam for their ocean and be a beach bum and not some nurse.

(sigh i fell in love w pacific ocean)

(road trip road trip road trip!)

(lotte, this is only a corner from where i am staying.)

hmm i love staying in hotels (ok inn for this case or like guesthouse or hostels) where there is free internet and coffee all night. just reminded me of when i am back with you guys in starbucks, somehow

wow, if only i could fly.

guam

2008-02-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

If anyone bothered, I have touched down in Guam at 4ish am after our flight has been delayed in Singapore for almost one and a half hour in a stuffy and entertainless philipines airline, with two i-think-they-are-lesbians travelers and mom taking up my already very small private place. (dad was somewhere else in the plane)

After slightly 4 hours, we transited at Manila and had to run because of our delayed schedule, dad thought we might missed the flight to Guam. The customs were really stringent and horrible and I thought bangkok was the only country that required me to take off my belt but now I had to like take my clit piercing, belt and shoes. (ok kidding about the clit piercing) They were like touching my breasts, my ass just everywhere...

So another 4 hours later, we reached Guam.

dad gotten a car, but it is like left hand driving! it was scary to drive and like almost too scary to do anything else because dad kept mixing up the controls for the signals and the windscreen wiper or like occasionally squirt some water.

so we slept in an inn, so retro, staying in an inn hahahahahha i wish i could ask for one pot of tea and buns! super budget because the things here are really expensive especially the local brands but if you are going for international brands i.e LV, Chanel, Hermes, Gucci, it is really cheaper. (1 bottle of lemon tea cost USD 3)

Spent the morning navigating our way with our map(s) and did some shopping as well but ... its kinda boring here. Guam looks like hawaii but it is a boring hawaii with no pearl harbour but they do have uh.. two lovers point. lol, it is a cliff that rumoured that two lovers had to elope but couldn't do it so they jumped down the cliff to the endless pacific ocean, and i assume they died. hence, this.. uh two lovers point! kidding me, SO marketing strategy but it was rather beautiful!

the shopping here is actually great and girls would go crazy and spend like 5 hours inside but poor daddy!

there are only 150k in Guam! and most of their tourists are actually japanese! i felt like i am back in Japan! they are like at every other corner and they shop LV like mad hahahahahaha shit i wish i was Japanese, which it could have been happened because my mom was dating a japanese guy before meeting my dad! walao! walao!

i would have been this:

ok kidding but i think my friends dont love me anymore because they are all going for a lesbian party tonight at gotham penthouse and i am stuck in guam and jiayi did it on purpose! oh well, i will just get out of this space and smoke (reds i am smoking reds) while reading the kite runner again.

betrayal could never be so surreal and clenching.

good night world, it is almost 12 here while you guys are watching ch8 chinese news.

(two lovers point)

2008-02-06T04:52:00.000+08:00

Today's eve of the lunar chinese new year, and I am leaving for Guam (which i still don't know where it is) at about 5pm. Sorry Goh, no meet-ups yet!

For the birthdays I will be missing:

#1, Laura's 20th. (7th)
#2, Maine's 19th. (9th)
#3, Jiajia's 21st! (9th)
#4, Cheryl's 20th. (10th)

In advance, happy birthday girlies. Always in my heart, anywhere.

Will bring back pictures, that is if I haven't lost my mojo! Meanwhile, enjoy your CNY, and party extra hard for me.

Freebies.

2008-02-04T13:06:00.000+08:00

This chicken chop is killing me. Chicken chop = Charlotte. She locks us in the classroom and she went on frenzy on phototaking forcing all of us to surrender our cameras/phone cameras so that she can take photos. I find no absolute reasons for her to act this way and I don't understand why is she such a camwhore. Seriously, thank God i have resorted never ever to bring my Stella (DSLR) to school unless for important events or like whatever except for Chicken chop's frenzies. Not going to indulge her anymore. For those who want a modeling figure for your photo shoots, please go ahead and ask Charlotte. She will do it for free, or maybe just the copies of the photos.

Charlotte will be able to shoot for S/M, Semi Nudity, Fetish, Acting Cute and actually alot of other shots e.g. upskirt shootings.

She gets her pleasure from doing things like these.

Ok email me if you want her to do modeling for your shoots, although free, must pay me commission.

2008-02-03T18:59:00.001+08:00

Hello world, how have you been? I have been floating in and out of consciousness especially on Friday night with a bottle of champagne and nearly 100 shots we nearly died, ok i died anyway. I am not weak but because I just wanted to be like dead drunk thats all! I met my objective anyway. Dont ask me why I wanted to be dead drunk or anything like this because i have absolutely no reason neither i am out of love (?!) nor i am just being lonely (!?). Why cant a woman just get drunk anytime of the day she wants?

I have been actually catching up on the whole sex scandal of edison chen and gillian chung and like many more others. But it is really preposterous to blog about in case of any run in with like federal laws or whatever but if you HAVE to know, you have to proceed to Jill's to check out her involvement with Edison as well. She have been exposed the way Bobo chan have been.. (CREDITS TO MUA!) At least Jill is less of a lesbian than I am already, but she is still the Queen of lezzies although she claims to be as straight as an arrow but........ ok we give her the benefit of doubt!

I mean it is really okay to have sex with Edison, and he is totally cutesy. And I will have sex with him la if he wants me, I will give it all to him but no photos boy! hahahahhaa but he is really "small" down there, and I bet kennysia is like so much bigger than him anyway!

I am really bored right now besides spending a little time w sangewea and my books, i have been moping around and watching ally mcbeal season 4! i love ally!

I am leaving on Wednesday to Guam and do not ask me where is it because I have no idea. I think its a faux usa island somewhere...... But i am just going to soak in the sun or like shopping or like take photos or like eat pizza ALONE or like drink some beer in some clubs ALONE since my parents would probably be somewhere else.... Oh god family trip, i really dread but on the other hand, they are paying for everything....... LOVE FAMILY TRIPS. (groans)

Exams are coming. Kids, study.

2008-02-02T19:16:00.000+08:00

edison chen is on the roll dude!

PageOne Photography Contest (Singapore)

2008-01-30T11:45:00.000+08:00

if you're interested, just save your photos (maximum of 2!) in a memory card (normal memory cards, the ones your phone use doesn't count because it's too small) come down to page one in vivocity, and print them out using canon's selphy printer (don't worry it's free, you'll get an extra print and a photo frame free too), fill out the contest form by the 24th next month.

pick up your forms at PageOne Vivocity now! ( i frequent there TOO much sometimes)

for more information on the contest please email: felicia_hong@pageonegroup.com
to check out the coolest bookstore in sg please visit here

(i wish i could i submit but i can't because my photos are too lesbian and too queer for singapore, but soon soon soon but it doesn't mean you cant, lezzies! )

FYI, this event is accordance to valentines' day! So snap and snap with your loved ones! And win fabulous prizes!

constitution.

2008-01-29T00:22:00.000+08:00

had pure ice vanilla (coffee bean, i have never been a fan of coffee bean. my loyalty remains to starbucks but today was circumstantial. i heart starbucks!) over a very sensitive and touchè subject - infidelity.

kidding me right, who am i to talk about infidelity? i know i looked like the kind who would act on infidelity but the fact is, the only time i ever did, was the last time i ever did and had never felt like an asshole than ever because i hurt the one i loved most of these 21 years. maybe i had my reasons, maybe it was circumstantial, maybe it was the other party maybe maybe, so many reasons but could never cover up for the fact that i committed infidelity.

but she wasn't the only victim, so was i. everyone around us, without a doubt, took part in committing an infidelity either being the wrecker or the slut.

my eyes were on fire, my words were so bitter, my face flushed with anger, my body raged when i thought of my past paranoias, suspicious, the bitterness, the overwhelming truth that hit you hard, the denials and so much more.

what constitutes a good relationship? (and when i mean relationship, means ready to commit and not those flings or whatever no-status quo kind)

#1, trust
#2, accountability
#3, compromising
#4, two-way communication
#5, long term goals for the r/s

of course, this is what i have been trying to inculcate into my relationships. i know it sound kind of serious, but if you are not serious, why are you in a relationship? relationship does mean you are ready to take the matters into another level, and it should be an adult relationship and not some silly puppy relationship (eUUu b mUa sTeADy okIe?)

all must co-exist, or at least first 3 must be established to maintain a good relationship, i ain't no expert at relationships but evaluating from my countless relationship(s), i have come to conclusion of the kind of relationship i really want THAT IS if i ever get into another one. in addition, it takes two to make a relationship work because if i can establish all of them, it is futile if my partner do not partake or share the same kind of values, or rather similar values.

#2, accountability do not mean "reporting" i.e. "dear i am going to bathe/shit/eat/cook" NO NO NO. don't make it sound like a hassle to have the courtesy to let your partner know where would you be going and with whom, and don't make it sound like you need privacy and you don't need to "report". can't you see it isn't "reporting"? it is allowing your partner to have some space to be somewhere without her and my friend is right about this sentence, "if you have nothing to hide, then there isn't anything that's not answerable."

this is accountability, amateur relationships wouldn't have it. but do not take advantage of this accountability because if you overdo it, it will become an irritability.

what constitutes of infidelity? ( i am rather anal about the list)

#1, physical intimacy with someone else (i.e. making out, lusty kissing, sex)
#2, emotional infidelity (i.e. falling in love with someone else/having a crush?!)
#3, unnecessary endearments in texts (i.e. "hi honey bunny")
#4, excessive texting with an unknown someone
#5, clearance of inbox and sentbox
#6, excessive flirting context with an unknown someone
#7, anything that you are hiding.

(more to come)

they do not have to co-exist, and you will get hell from me because i am very particular and very sensitive to suspicious acts. my instincts are as strong as animal instinct but for mine, it is called women's instincts, and they are usually rather accurate especially concerning infidelity. honestly, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to lie about, there wouldn't be any vibes and traces of anxiety. really, the more you have to hide, the more dodgy you seemed.

it is like if you did fake an orgasm, i would know.

so what are your constitutions?

i like them

2008-01-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

malacca's sunset

i think i really grew up alone with occasional flow of friends and family but i bared all of it on my own because i am the only child, the only daughter of this household. i don't have a constant companion and that has taught me very well of being tough and independent, although i might still be living under my parent's roof and feeding on my parent's money but it doesn't mean i am spoilt, bratty or other descriptions of an only child. i consider myself as an individual and the only individual because i have yet to find someone who is exactly like me, if i happen to find that someone who is exactly like me, i think she is the one.

someone who dances or skips to barry white in the morning, who creates really bad jokes but really funny that throws your friends off the hook, someone who would rather stay in for in-house movies, someone who would go out alone and just plug in her ipod, someone who would keep her phone silent ignoring the world and her friends are lucky to get her text replies faster, someone who would enjoy hot starbucks vanilla latte under a hot sun, someone who would love mambo nights, someone who enjoys viceroy and couldn't/wouldn't smoke other brands (maybe besides Marlboro ice mints!), someone who would want to finish traveling Asia in within 9 years, someone who would be able to do household chores except ironing clothes, someone who could exude such great confidence & charisma, someone who would just read sweet valley books or chick lits.. etc, someone who's capable of romantic antics! ( all must exist together)

basically, someone who's like me.

but for now, for those who have been reading this space, get a moniker if you don't feel comfortable putting your real name, let me know what you have thought of me as a friend or someone virtual.

i thank you for your comments and harsh words in any case, in advance. ( for this entry, i have activated haloscan for your compositions)

Sex

2008-01-23T02:15:00.000+08:00

How frivolous I am/was/could be to you, but sex remains as a chastity. I could never go on that far without intensive overwhelming emotions towards anyone, because sex remains the only border that I am willingly to cross over if you are the definite. Sex brings us closer and reign our souls together with passion. Devotion, desires and lust, sex is enshrined. Was frivolous with my actions, but not with my heart. I stay true to you as I have stayed true to myself.

So FYI, I don't sleep around.

(i told you i hate titles)

2008-01-21T17:18:00.000+08:00

(this is the east side of sg for you)
inspired by peter bjorn and john- young folks!

I used to blog frivolously every other day because there were so many events happening, be it physically or emotionally. No, I haven't slowed down any. Because for 21 years, I am finally living like an individual instead of being "clique-y" or literally frivolous or maybe I just found peace and contentment within myself. I spent my time with my mom making her cook so often than ever (crying hungry poor child), I spent my time traveling to school with my favourite music (although I don't update my song lists or following the latest tunes, I am still stuck with albums), I spent class hours with my classmates scribbling silly conversations with charlotte (because we are not allowed to talk) and smoking, I spent my time traveling back home with Sangewea (PSP), I spent my weekends with my friends eating steamboat, catching hk serials, movie themes and alot of bad jokes (mostly contributed by me) and smoke of course.

I have mellowed into a woman who is taking charge of her life with her priorities. I don't spend my time wallowing in self-pity, crying unfairness, yelling its a yes or the high way or pondering what's going to happen next. In fact, I am living my life with zest!

Sometimes it felt strange to feel contentment or happiness. I have accepted the fact that people do come and go, very well. I have become so neutral sometimes it scares me if I would lose feelings or emotions.

Whatever happens, please do know that having your family and your closest friends by your side is something that you could never ask for more.

(shit i am getting boring)
(anyway today is 黄金路大决局, so quit calling my cell!)
(after today, then ask me out)

First guilt of 2008

2008-01-17T20:39:00.000+08:00

Sangewea
Limited Edition Deep Red
(my dear jiejies please dont tell mother or father)

TSK (TIONG SEEKEE)

2008-01-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

Tiong's 21st!

she's the village head in lezzie village

lesbian village heads

fiona & jaciaozz (jaciel)

fiona, mellie, jaciel

mellie & joanne

top left clockwise: denise nk, jingyi, fiona, mel, jaciel, chase & me

all 21 of us (supposedly geek/ugly theme) in essential brew @ holland v!

happy 21st seekee! (from your first love, hee!)

wow, time really flies.

The 1st death anniversary

2008-01-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

I hardly talked about my family (except for my mom's insanity sometimes) because I never thought we were as close except for my grandparents and 2 older cousins but rather drifted apart when I moved out of grandparents' place but the emotional bond never broke. My extended family were never as close or even my own family were never that close as some other families are big and really knitted together. I guess the Seah 谢+Wong 王 family only reunites for 红和白事 (red -festive and white-funerals occasions) And for a matter of fact, only a few certain Seahs and All Wong reunites on Sundays.

As I was saying that we(full attendance) only meet other for 红和白事, actually even for 红事 (festive, weddings etc) you don't even get 'full attendance'. But for丧事(wake), even relatives in Hongkong/China or distance relatives whom you had never even seen before, turns up for the event.

Today marked the 1st death anniversary of 爷爷(grandfather). Time passed by so quickly and I missed him terribly. Unavoidable topic of the day, mom was being insane as usual. She stole a certain flower bud from the Nursing home that 爷爷 was in, and today she reported that the flower bud grew through out the year but bloomed this afternoon. And she gave that auspicious and "i feel very cold and very 邪门"( a certain expression in chinese meaning odd supposedly evil feelings BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT EVIL IT IS JUST A FEEL dont know how to explain) feelings, she was giving me the 0.0 eyes. Obviously patronized her "wah" and walked away.

Later in the night, my cousin clicked on me and started with "公, one year." And we started reminiscing our hours right after his last breath..

爷爷 started falling, suffered from partial memory loss, eventually succumbed to the rest of the symptoms of Dementia. He was often admitted into the hospitals for observations/check ups/surgeries and he hated hospital. He would cry and beg us to bring him home. His limbs especially his legs motor power were weak and soon he had to walk with a walking stick, gradually a walking frame and finally he couldn't walk anymore but to be on a wheelchair. In the event of deteriorating health, my 婆婆 (grandmother) suffered the most whom had to manually lift him off the bed and onto the wheelchair vice-versa, feed him meals, bathe him, change his adult diapers, cooking and washing for the family of 3 in the house. She lost so much weight and it broke my heart.

The family decided to move him into a Nursing home and refused to allow my 婆婆 to suffer with all the chores. It was the cheapest Nursing home and it was expensive every month and my father was the one who was paying all these years. I don't know if the rest of my family chipped in and it was so taxing on father because we talked about it and he was shedding tears in the dining room while looking at the bills. It broke my heart to see father like this and felt so angry wanting to confront everyone in the family to contribute but obviously not in the capacity to but I can only spur my father on.

3 years 爷爷 remained bedridden. Few months before his death, he was not stabilized at all, with frequent hospital trips with burning hot fever and difficulty in breathing. There was lung infection, and he was on portable oxygen therapy. He was admitted 3 days before he died, diagnosed with pneumonia (which is highly suspicious due to nastrogastric tube feeding which may lead to aspiration pneumonia). It felt as though he was on the verge of death and we discussed and I had my dad to affirm with the doctor for DNR (Do Not Rescuscitate). There isn't any use to keep him suffering any longer..

I remembered on 12th of January, I was rushing after night classes after 8, so I was sharing a cab with charlotte & and her then-boyfriend. Charlotte got off the cab first and then I was off to the hospital. Upon getting into the lift, I received a text from my cousin Chloe, "Gong took his last breath, at about 845." I clenched the phone tight.

I missed it. I was on the 1st floor when he left. I was too late. I saw his lifeless body on the bed, I couldn't cry. My dad and cousin were crying. I was the third to arrive. Soon, all of them came with 婆婆。婆婆cried so badly, and I broke down immediately. The loss of a loved one is so in- compensable and irreplaceable. I felt so badly for 婆婆 and rushed over to console her and standing beside her makes the space even smaller and depressive. It was so depressing to hear her cries you just felt like life isn't fair.

( I will not comment on the ward staff because I was shortly posted to that ward for internship. How nice.)

Never been in the last office room even when I was interning. And it had to be the first time and coincidentally my own grandfather. The room was so cold, the room was small but it felt so big and felt so empty. Procedures were taking place (e.g. ordering of the coffin, rituals, tents, arrangements) while the 8th generation (my cousins & i) just .. stood around and watched time ticked by and speculating the next moves.

We were divided into two groups. One would follow 爷爷 to the coffin shop, another would head to 婆婆 house to gather all his clothings and accessories. It was sadly to see that she had already packed some of his belongings (i.e. clothes). I got to choose his clothes and it was devastating. Cousins and I were packing his favourite clothes. Cousins left with the belongings to the coffin shop, while I just stayed with 婆婆 for awhile and left to the hospital for my mom to fetch me home. I was too scared and too disheartened to sleep. I couldn't stop crying but feeling relieved at the same time. I don't like him on the bed, I don't like the way he forgets who we were, I don't like the way he couldn't walk anymore and the place that he had to stay. I figured the best consolation was that he didn't have to suffer anymore, and I tried to believe he left for a better place.

So morning came. All of us gathered at 婆婆‘s house and waiting for the coffin and 爷爷 while the tent and all were set up. All of us had to kneel down on the floor and bowed our heads down to the ground while they carried the coffin and 爷爷 in, separately. (side note: we are not allowed to see the moving in because it is inauspicious as it is considered "dirty", i think)

He was wrapped in a white cloth. I held his hand but dropped immediately as my father said do not touch him (the whole yin & yang concept which i don't really care about). So the wake began.
We got to keep him for 5 days (including the night when he died). My older cousins and I kept vigil for the nights and the adults would tend for the days.

The most unbearable part for me was the prayers session for him. I never believed in higher powers but I had to do it I must do it for him, I have to do it whatever it takes to bring him to a safe place with happiness. I couldn't stop tearing during those prayers session although I could only understand 1/4 of the hainanese prayers but it was just so heartbreaking knowing that he had to go through this whole ritual mourning prayers procedure, I just couldn't accept the fact that he was the one who needs all these prayers while all along we had been praying to our ancestors.. It was just incredulous. My belief was temporary because it was my 爷爷, my loved one..

婆婆’s weepings were hitting the spot with the prayers and it was so depressing I didn't think I could go on.

The journey had to end with all his friends bade him good bye. He was a well-loved gentleman by all, on the 3rd night it was so crowded and busy. It felt like a restaurant, serving drinks and peanuts.

It all ended with weepings, loud wails and shoutings of "公公! 爸!".
He loved me well and good.

(p/s: 公公 and 爷爷 means grandfather. But of certain "rules", paternal cousins SHOULD address him as 爷爷。But I was naughty I decided to call him 公公 anyway. )

horsin' around.

2008-01-11T01:59:00.001+08:00

if no one knew, yes i have taken my handful locks away but people are still complaining, so hard to please leh all of you! anyhow, sorry for the lack of updates! been catching up with mediacorp shows (lol, huang jin lu!), procreating in my sims, watching ally mcbeal and of course, projects! i think i am evolving again, i am not sure this time but of course i am quite contented with life right now. with plans to guam and vietnam in respectively february and march! (of course exams in between, grr!) no, i have never celebrated chinese new year in Singapore! i have a weird family but i love my extended family which means smelly fish (chloe - in chinese, chou yu) and yuhuizai especially popo (chinese for grandmother!) please reserve the biggest ang pow for me omg, i get to receive ang pows from xw too! ok all my cousins who are reading, please get married soon!

life is good oh i have a new tag line for year 2008.

it used to be, "single, available, ready to mingle!"

now, it is, "cant lose freedom, dont do obligations."

people you need theme song in your life! it brings your shoulders moving to the beat of it and it should be a rather cheery and uplifting song! it will bring you out of whatever depression or darkness you are facing anytime.

omg its 2am and i seriously need to sleep!

2008

2008-01-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

0647, I was still awake. I enjoy being with myself and for myself. You should too.

Ju wrecks the singing scene.

2008-01-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

I WILL NOT STAND HERE AND BE DISPARAGE BY ALL OF YOU.
(my nasal, voice sucks but the strumming rocks! thanks to goh)

GO AHEAD DISPARAGE ME I WAS BORED.

I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS MY THEME SONG FOR THIS WEEK.

ok for laughs and all sorts of humours, there you go, (YOU WANT MTV I GIVE YOU MTV)

this is disgustingly shocking and annoying but whatever i am bored.

GO ON, I STAND STRONG.

2007 Happened

2007-12-31T05:18:00.000+08:00

I would try to be concise and less upsetting in entries like this! I have a knack for depressing entries, in fact I admit that I do write better when I am super depressed! Ok, here we go. (Not going to elaborate at all, sadness in elaboration?!)

1. Started 2007 with K.

2. Lost Grandpop on 12th Jan 07.

3. We broke up.

4. Cheryl and I hosted NTU Hall 10's 10th anniversary charity carnival to the Singapore Chesire Home at Novena Square for 3 days.

5. Eunice

6. Gisele.

7. Verve

8. Celebrated Fiona's 20th.

9. Melissa
10. My 20th
11.Scuffles
12. Bangkok

13. Melissa's graduation

14. Cousin's wedding (DONT LAUGH)

15. Dr Raj's wedding

16. Nurses Night Out!

17. Met up with old friends.

18. Julyn's 19th + Virgin Gmax Ride

19. Emily's 20th

20. Jasmine's departure to Germany ( love the hair jasmine, roll eyes! hee!)

21. Japan

22. Virgin train ride to M'sia.

23. Shaun's 25th

24. Annual Geylang trip for food! (Hari Raya!)

25. Jill and Liwen's birthday!

26. Charlotte's 19th.

27. Juice's 9th.

and many other small events of course, i am sorry if i did missed out certain few(s). i spent christmas differently from others, i spent it alone (not literal) but with different groups of friends (hence, pinball) and not the same people that i used to spend it with. and this year's new 2008 bang, alone.

hey it doesnt matter, i have myself and i think i am living for myself and not with someone else or for someone else. with this, i found peace, stability and grasp of bigger pictures. i spent most of my december holidays with my secondary school sweethearts (not so secondary afterall in this context), dogged friends (with cheryl included - she became one of them - interrelated somehow), my loving but annoying lotte and i do realized the time i have spent with mel & friends were bare. i am a pinball and i think i would always be a pinball and now i do realized what the "universal" card meant.

i have lost many important people in the 2007 and some would never come back but some did. i met Maine only in later this year ever since we broke up and it brought back millions of memories but all i can say is that, i am thankful that she is back and with the friendship i could offer her. she remained significant till this day and at least i have her back this xmas & new year.

i dont expect people to stay for long but those who have stayed, i thank you for your presence and your love. i don't always have appreciation at the tip of my tongue but my gratefulness are etched deeply in my heart.

this year is about to end, and this year for me is about to end.
2007 happened.

i wish all of you well and with so much love.
i wish all of you with so much so much love.

thank you.

perioperative xmas.

2007-12-26T16:03:00.000+08:00

1. meritus mandarin hotel
2. light bulb 1
3. laughing at singaporeans for taking pictures of a lamborghini
4. mahjong
5. light bulb 2
6. east coast park
7. deborah
8. heineken
9. light bulb 1
10. raffles place
11. lying on grass patch
12. ally mcbeal

13. sleep at 7 am
14. lunch at 3pm
15. wakes up at 8ish
16. craves for lambchop
17. spontaneous meet ups (major bitching)
18. upp. thomson/havelock rd/holland v/cineleisure (private joke)
19. old woodbridge + last kampung
20. ally mcbeal
21. sleep at 8am

22. typing this now
23. i feel like getting food
24. super lazy
25. calling mac, maybe can win 10k.

i was actually wishing for smth gd to happen this xmas but.... apparently nope. still the same me, lingering at petrol stations.

xmas 07

2007-12-25T05:26:00.000+08:00

so this is it.

merry christmas my ladies (and probably some ..guys?)

2 more days

2007-12-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

xmas in 2 days.
what does it mean to you?

time failed me.

2007-12-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

I just want to be happy so badly.

i wish i could go back to those days but i know it will never be the same. my only tearing point was that i really really thought we were going to be together forever even there isn't forever but for the rest of our lives because what we had was so much so much and so much. and that was what hurt most and that hurt so badly. i have no space for anyone or anything else but all these sorrows that you couldn't see, could only fit into these endless tears that i have shed for you despite time. my pain racing against time obviously pain won and damn right whoever said time could be a measurement of anything.

i cannot imagine how long more i will take to get over the fact that we will no longer be in love with each other and that for the rest of our lives, i will watch you fall into others' arms and watch you being happy. i can never make this our issue or your issue because all these while it has been solely mine on my part unable to get it over but you have done it well enough to add on to my misery knowing that i somehow meant something but not enough, because in your eyes i am the 'best-est' friend anyone could have. and thats all i am to you dear. maybe you will but i know i will never ever find someone whom i am able to talk so care freely, being so comfortable, grew in familiarity there isn't any shame and to know that we both watched each other grew up in transition and someone i have loved so deeply and given so much because an image of you brings so much warmth yet so much pain. tried replacing you and i thought i would give that someone a chance, just a chance to prove me everything is wrong and that i will love and will love as much but no everything else broke down and she left anyway and i only blamed myself for giving that try knowing that it wont work out the way i have always wanted it to be.

i have love for others but my heart remained yours but i know there isn't any point pursuing our past and unlikely to paint it new all over again but i cannot stop loving you and hating you at the same time because remembering hurts. your reasons for leaving never really justified me or your steadily declining love. i really thought that both of us are going to be the same for the rest of our lives and it seemed so.

please save me, i don't know how because i don't need you by my side i have learned to live without you, i don't need you to come back because what's broken could never be mend, i don't need you to love me because it was all because of your love that put me through this tragedy and i don't need you to say sorry because it could never make it up to me. but please save me from this bitter wretchedness before it sucks my life entirely dry i don't want to break down in alternate days because somehow it felt like yesterday when my life changed.

please save me darling please save me someone please save me i just want to be happy so badly my frivolous front is wearing me thin but all i need is just help.

just so you know, you were the only routine i never got tired of, and i truly loved you with all my heart and i couldn't put anymore truer words to it because you knew it better than anyone and i believe that i still love you with all my heart.

silently that is.

Perks of Being A Singaporean

2007-12-20T15:26:00.001+08:00

Your expensive Singapore Flyer. Finally, colours.