time failed me.

I just want to be happy so badly.

i wish i could go back to those days but i know it will never be the same. my only tearing point was that i really really thought we were going to be together forever even there isn't forever but for the rest of our lives because what we had was so much so much and so much. and that was what hurt most and that hurt so badly. i have no space for anyone or anything else but all these sorrows that you couldn't see, could only fit into these endless tears that i have shed for you despite time. my pain racing against time obviously pain won and damn right whoever said time could be a measurement of anything.

i cannot imagine how long more i will take to get over the fact that we will no longer be in love with each other and that for the rest of our lives, i will watch you fall into others' arms and watch you being happy. i can never make this our issue or your issue because all these while it has been solely mine on my part unable to get it over but you have done it well enough to add on to my misery knowing that i somehow meant something but not enough, because in your eyes i am the 'best-est' friend anyone could have. and thats all i am to you dear. maybe you will but i know i will never ever find someone whom i am able to talk so care freely, being so comfortable, grew in familiarity there isn't any shame and to know that we both watched each other grew up in transition and someone i have loved so deeply and given so much because an image of you brings so much warmth yet so much pain. tried replacing you and i thought i would give that someone a chance, just a chance to prove me everything is wrong and that i will love and will love as much but no everything else broke down and she left anyway and i only blamed myself for giving that try knowing that it wont work out the way i have always wanted it to be.

i have love for others but my heart remained yours but i know there isn't any point pursuing our past and unlikely to paint it new all over again but i cannot stop loving you and hating you at the same time because remembering hurts. your reasons for leaving never really justified me or your steadily declining love. i really thought that both of us are going to be the same for the rest of our lives and it seemed so.

please save me, i don't know how because i don't need you by my side i have learned to live without you, i don't need you to come back because what's broken could never be mend, i don't need you to love me because it was all because of your love that put me through this tragedy and i don't need you to say sorry because it could never make it up to me. but please save me from this bitter wretchedness before it sucks my life entirely dry i don't want to break down in alternate days because somehow it felt like yesterday when my life changed.

please save me darling please save me someone please save me i just want to be happy so badly my frivolous front is wearing me thin but all i need is just help.

just so you know, you were the only routine i never got tired of, and i truly loved you with all my heart and i couldn't put anymore truer words to it because you knew it better than anyone and i believe that i still love you with all my heart.

silently that is.