i need to stop catergorizing all emotions as hurt/pain/ache, i need to feel the angst, the disappointment, the annoyance, the irritance, the sympathy whatever. i feel sorry for myself all the time that i have to be hurt so badly all the time. maybe if i would ever get to do a heart surgery, it must be really scarred and really really badly looking. of course metaphorically.

i dont understand why must we do all sorts of things to just spite ourselves and in the process of it, we get shit and we just felt as though we are like shit.

i think i expressed too much, i think i talked too much, i think i kept dwelling on the pain itself. i should just learn to shut up, just learn to let go, just learn to keep it low or maybe even just being quiet and i am about giving in.

this will mark the first r/s i ever ever voice this much and that out so badly, i think this relationship is by far the most active relationship ever. i gave in way too much and i got shit, now i tried to fight a little for myself i get shit.

i should just give in all the way while i get shit but she gets to be happier a little? it is a lose-win situation better than a lose-lose situation right? at least somebody is happy.

i am happy too but just a little bit little than you are.
sometimes i wish that love is tangible, and you would know how much i love you.