i found myself crying to old letters of hers while i was studying, writing .." for diabetic patients, take smaller meals..". her letters were full of spirit, power and love, THAT crushed me so badly i was hugging the box, whispering, 'can you come home?' i think i have spiritually left this body of mine to search for her and this body of mine have been in and out of her clothes and gawk-ing into the mirror and enthusiastically looking out for her in me.

(we all have boxes for stuffs like these)

and suddenly i snapped out of it, i think i was getting worse. i was actually thinking, i think i should put all of her clothes into a big ziplock bag to safeguard the smell, her smell.

i couldnt feel the anger, the disappointment, the fear, the jealousy for long. i think i am longing more than anything, more than 'wait for a long long time until the cows come home', i am longing for her to come back home to me but i know it is physically impossible and that the love she has for me will soon to fade. shit this is practically longing for the cows to come home.

(somehow i rather blog than to shuffles those cards and place them over and over again which has no meaning at all and i ought to study. )

i really feel like i was just an adventure for her, an abnormalcy for her, something discrepant from her perfectness-regulated family. you know stories of rich girls running away with paupers? not rich enough to marry this girl have to elope and happily ever after?

yup i am the pathetic doting loving pauper. but nope, we didnt elope and neither happily ever after. honestly, love isnt enough because love couldnt make you full, love couldnt bring you money, love couldnt solely bring happiness, love couldnt find you a job that you love. i was once a practicalwoman, and now she hit me back and thrown me back to who i am supposed to be.

so i guess i'll just be a tv - tv full with dramas, reality shows, soap operas.
except this tv, you dont have to pay starhub cable networks,
just to this account : 198-23494-0 (posb savings)