Ju wrecks the singing scene.

I WILL NOT STAND HERE AND BE DISPARAGE BY ALL OF YOU.
(my nasal, voice sucks but the strumming rocks! thanks to goh)

GO AHEAD DISPARAGE ME I WAS BORED.

I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS MY THEME SONG FOR THIS WEEK.

ok for laughs and all sorts of humours, there you go, (YOU WANT MTV I GIVE YOU MTV)



this is disgustingly shocking and annoying but whatever i am bored.

GO ON, I STAND STRONG.

perioperative xmas.

1. meritus mandarin hotel
2. light bulb 1
3. laughing at singaporeans for taking pictures of a lamborghini
4. mahjong
5. light bulb 2
6. east coast park
7. deborah
8. heineken
9. light bulb 1
10. raffles place
11. lying on grass patch
12. ally mcbeal

13. sleep at 7 am
14. lunch at 3pm
15. wakes up at 8ish
16. craves for lambchop
17. spontaneous meet ups (major bitching)
18. upp. thomson/havelock rd/holland v/cineleisure (private joke)
19. old woodbridge + last kampung
20. ally mcbeal
21. sleep at 8am

22. typing this now
23. i feel like getting food
24. super lazy
25. calling mac, maybe can win 10k.

i was actually wishing for smth gd to happen this xmas but.... apparently nope. still the same me, lingering at petrol stations.

Perks of Being A Singaporean

Your expensive Singapore Flyer. Finally, colours.

Trying

honestly i was trying to study for my practical exam which is happening in about 10 hours time and i have a whole system to memorize with five for fighting crooning in the background and about $1.50 left in my prepaid card. but i guess blogging just for awhile on my lappie wont kill right... and i need to smoke so badly.

prepaid cards. i used to think that prepaid card users are like losers & paupers but ever since my huge ass was indebted to m1 & starhub mounting up to 2k each provider plus termination fees, in fact i was FORCED to terminate the line inspite the contract and henceforth, i was really afraid of committed bills (and in any other case, commitment yes). thank god for momsie & cousin's help (not exactly, momsie cuts my allowance) if not i would be squatting in jail & i would have inhouse experiences for all of you. so, why bills shoot so high? i had an ex who loves to text and text and it lasted for about 15 months (lets guess who is it? hmmm), so if i dont text her, i have no alibi and she will throw accusations of me cheating on her/talking to other girls/texting other girls/sleeping with other girls/going out with other girls so being the very henpecked me ( i think still is, no?) i obeyed her whims. she could join "who wants to be a millionnaire" & be the fastest finger because when a text comes in & if i ever took like more than 4 minutes to reply her, she would send in another 10 more texts to annoy me and i went crazy, all the time.

so annoying but.. at least she cares but we need space dont we? well, so there you go, my coming out story for being a prepaid card user. in fact i think prepaid card users are richer than some because we can control our uses very well. i mean i have friends who'd record down & draw sticks to calculate their texts....... and then tally with the bill & if i am not wrong, they'd try to fuck the company if miscalculated.

i love using prepaid cards because m1 produced this wonderful card "Super TopUp M1 Card"! which consists of value of $20 & $30. so whats the deal about it?


for the $20 card, you get a total of $40 inside with free incoming calls (only applicable to normal mcard such as free incoming call card instead of texting plans) and fpr $30, you get $100 value! A TOTAl BARGAIN!

$75 Local Calls/SMS +
$25 IDD Calls/ Global SMS/ Value-Added Services

for more please visit m1

you tell me who win! i am always making momsie buy these super top up cards for me because it is totally worth it & if i am conscious enough i could use up to a month! it is so much better than your committed bills (postpaid cards). although using prepaid card is more expensive such as the calls... well fret not, you have free incoming calls! i mean who doesnt have?

i know, carrie & melissa dont have it at all or my mom. heehee..

okay enough of this, m1 isnt paying me at all i think they need to pay me the loyal prepaid card user! okay i am going to attempt to study again.

p/s: nuffnang's ad coming in on sunday! (that ad is so full of juju connotations!)

Priorities

Obviously I cannot get my priorities right.

This is a very very crucial point of time for me because i have less than 30 hours to mug for my bio practical on friday, consisting of GIT/Nutrition/Nerve&Muscles/CNS etc. (actually i don't know whats more for me to study because looking at the contents scares me very badly) Less than 30 hours and what am i doing? Editing blog skins & now blogging about my not-very-prioritized priorities.

honestly i am taking myself for granted because i kinda scrapped through my life all the time and i hate being mediocre but sometime i just cant pumped myself up to it & i lack of motivation quite often albeit brimming with enthusiasm all the time but i guess id just die down & i would start to surf the bloody net & read random journals or like read xiaxue's archives 100 times all over again.

and to add on to my misery, infact i have less than 20 hours to study for research method papers on thursday. i AM so fantabulous, if there should be any award for the laziest lesbian in the world, i think i am going to win it.

really i need to snap out of this lazy daisy mood and i need to snap snap snap naps pans span. i find myself drifting so far away the moment i sit down & attempt to do something e.g. listening to lectures. i know in next 15 minutes i am as good as gone unless you are super interesting & witty i think you are losing me anyway. shit, its 1230am and i am still at page 2. (page 1 is content page)

come on come on come on juju! i am sure you can do better than this!
okay i think i am going to draw a headband that says "加油!"

see how i could never get my wrongdoings right despite knowing my stupid problems i am so annoyed at myself and i am going to just .. sleep.

happy happy 20th!

so celebration was a blast at yuani's house! never felt this good ever because i think this is the first time in 20 years i am celebrating my birthday with all my loved ones and i was mostly greyed out because since the start of my birthday i havent been sober for most than 5 hours! heh i think my friends hate me when i am drunk because i am so slobberly and clobberly, i think i have bull strength when i drink and i am a lousy drinker. play! was good and i saw "giselle" yes i saw giselle! and for real this time, she is attached and i think i am actually quite happy for her!

vote for contestant #3, Jia!

please go down to PLAY! on June 14th to vote for Jia!

this month is filled with happiness for everyone around me, recently ive attended my lecturer's church wedding and it is my first time attending an indian wedding reception in a church! i am totally into things like this, like eccentric, cultural shock or smthing seeming enough.. like girls. hehe..

ive gained alot of weight and it is terrible, i need to lose weight.

id be flying to bkk on the 14th and will be back on 17th!

a long-due post

i know, i am sorry i havent been blogging religiously because everyday is a torture for me and i dont know where is my mind, soul & heart. gone with the wind, perish as dusts. i mean there are people who are angry with me, upset with me, bearing a grudge against me, who doesnt care about me and i think (sheryl l, if you are reading) the cards are right and i certainly need another reading.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!
23/05/07

(24/05/07 pirates of the caribbean, it was so long, i felt asleep when calypso turned into crab or smth)

photos from eunice's 18th birthday party!

(warning, pictures are just gore like saw and for those who are interested in eunice, sorry this is just going to be sore for you but dont worry, eunice can still be yours.)

(there are more people than in the pictures like 20 of them in a terrace house)

so eunice is a happy happy girl with her birthday because she knows that she has many many friends who love her and cherish her like mad dog wuff wuff! and she is happy to smoke with her ciggs without fearing getting caught! LOVE YOU EUNICE TAN!

to passerby: sorry, no eyes of giselle. in fact i havent seen her for a week in school at all and i think she has a girlfriend already. you know you kinda skip school for girlfriend.. i guess? and i never really had an intention to ask about it.

i kinda missed her, but never really had an intention to text her or call her to tell her that.

so 21st may, it was her birthday as well. braved my heart, and sent her a text but as expected she would never even budged. this should make her parents proud because her parents have succeeded into having what they hope to see and there you go, celebrate or smth.

honestly sometimes i depise her so badly to a point that i thank the highest heaven that we broke up because i would never want to be with someone whos so weak in her own defense and unable to stand up to herself and for herself. she might be star tracker since she is swelling good in running away. obviously she will never give me the closure that i ever need but i am fine i know i am going to be fine.


i am actually missing my classmates! they are so funny! i promise to go school very often and i will just study my ass in school till late.


i have gained like probably 78234783428734 kg after this week! i have been eating and eating non stop non stop non stop like mtv's non stop hits! i ate macdonalds like no tomorrow, i go for supper like fat never existed, and i just mahjong-ed very little & lost like 7 dollars to yishun?! (its a name for a person, not a town or smth) I NEVER LOST THIS MUCH BEFORE, ok got, when i was like 16 or 17 but 7 dollars, ok fine it isnt that much, call me auntie or smth but 7 dollars can buy two bowls of bak chor mee!

ok i am not going to tempt myself any further.

i am just someone who lost her ability to love & to resist temptations and only today i realized how evil temptations are, but there are certain degrees to it, but obviously i have been tempted to the maximum and regretting is not in the choice anymore. i think i might be losing friends or a friend that i love so much, i have no words to offer i have nothing in fact because in my defense, i am speechless & all tied up. i wish i could try to explain things but maybe somehow someone else would able to tell you things. i am going to allow time to do it.

i love you.
i am sorry.

morning momsie! & giselle!

(we almost went in to the room because we didnt have STDS then we realized, its STUDENTS.)

ho ho ho, happy momsie's day! i have no special plans because momsie isnt in singapore & not like anyone knows that she's a married woman & a mom of a 20 y/o. i know she would kill me if i had sent her a bouquet of flowers with a card that screams, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" to her office, she would ruin my life like how i have ruined hers but i know she loves me so much because she has already accepted me and i think it came a long way with alot of screamings, cryings, threats to suicide, and denial. i think my momsie emerged out better than i thought she would be, well she's the only hope i have left to deal with dad. back then, it was so hard communicating with momsie because she refused to accept me and she kept crying and begging why wouldnt i try to open up to her, and why would i just keep things to myself, and i felt so bad because it wasnt because i didnt want to, but because she wouldnt accept it and she would probably never understand what i was going through (no, not teenage angst) and sometimes, people just refuse to listen. often, i relied on my friends and myself alot to get through things and i think my mom felt left out in my life and i used to blame it on her for leaving me alone for all 13 years of my life and never really took care of me and she was never really there for me, and i never felt like i had a mother who would bring me to the swimming pool or even to the playground to horse around. it was really bad, struggling just to scrap through days like that.. it was as though you had a mother but who never really acts like your mother. BUT BUT BUT right now, everything's so cool, everyone wished that they had my MOM, how cool is that? we are like friends, we are like really close, i would sometimes skip to her room, and tell her which girl & which girl i went out with and how i thought about them, although mom roll her eyes very often, but she still listens and ask about them! just how exactly only a few days ago , she knows that something was wrong, and she came into my room in the middle of the night while i was sleeping, (she likes to call out when i am sleeping to check if i am sleeping) and immediately i burst into tears, i burst into so much tears she was so terrified and i was like, " i saw xxx and xxx xxx xxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx" and i cried so badly that she was furiously running through her mind to search for things to tell me, like " xxxxxxxx isnt worth it stop crying, i didnt know she was like this, ok dont cry already, there are other girls out there ok, better girls out there!"

pause.

i love my momsie because SHE IS THE COOLEST WOMAN ON EARTH, MARRIED OR NOT, FALLOPIAN TIED OR NOT, she is indeed the coolest woman on the earth,
check that sentence out,

" .. ok dont cry already, there are other girls out there ok, better girls out there!"

i really love my momsie very much and i am glad we came through for each other and i know i never felt this strongly towards my mother before and i know we are going to be okay. and i know she will never read this blog, i will freak out if she does, but i want the world to know that i love my mother and she is the other woman that who's always waiting for me at home.

sorry no pictures of my 37 y/o (she likes to think so, but she's like 43 only!) hot mom because there are enough men going after her & i dont need lesbians to go after MY MOM, i will kill any lesbians going after my mom! ( yucks, i cant even imagine my mom going lesbo, totally YEEKS!)
well, love you momsie! :)

(god, this is a total mother's day entry, which is the first in my 20 years.)

ok next. SO.. "giselle" & i, we had our 3rd date in school again!


we had tea! i know i know, i love tea! (sue, stop looking at me) it was really good, and i really really love talking to her, and it was never enough and she's rather funny in her own subtle way! she has this boundary, as though it is waiting for me to intrude but like the usual me, i dont know if i should move in or if i should just wait for her first move, i have no idea! shit, i am so good reading at people's signs but i couldnt read mine, and it sucks. i really want to know her so much more, and i think she wants to know more about me too! we sat together in our last lecture together, and it was comfortable and i realized i could focus better! and i totally told her,

" i think you should sit with me everyday because i focus better without having my conscience wanting to turn around & smile at you, wondering if you'd text me, thinking if you are okay. and right now you are sitting beside me, i feel so relieved."

ok corny but it works ok, although she didnt reply me (we were writing notes to each other in her notepad, just like next to each other - you cant talk in lecture halls) i know she smiled to it. i dont know, if i scored but at least i am truthful & sincere (monica says i have to be myself & be sweet & sincere!) it was a great 3 hours that made up the rest of the 4 days that i didnt see her at all, and my attendance at school is fantabulous! my classmates were so wowed at my determination to stay even if all of them left school earlier, i hate to say this but it was for "giselle" and a little of school and i really focused!


ok ju, slow down, move back a little. i dont know what's going to hurt me again, and i dont want to risk anything.

i had a little oracle card reading yesterday night with a couple of chong's friends. so i did ask questions, and it was pretty accurate & it was quite uh freaky.

1) will an ex-girlfriend come back to me?
might/or not because you two are not communicating or miscommunicating right now, and both of you need to talk and LISTEN to each other and whatever it might lead, it might be a friendship or more, we dont know, but the cards can only tell for the present, not the future, so try to talk & listen first, take the cards later again.

(i'd want to, but she doesnt want to)

2) has someone appeared in my life that i can settle down with?
yes, he/she has appeared, the signs are not obvious yet and obviously you have yet to let go of something thats holding you back, and maybe it will soon be obvious.

(see freakish?)

3) why did almost all of my relationships fail?
basically you are someone who's very romantic & fun loving but you are hot tempered and your jealousy tends to control your partner and it drives your partner crazy to exasperation but other than that, you are a good lover.

(okay totally true except for being hot tempered?! am i? i think i am rather spiteful & revengeful thats all.... )

i have more questions but these are more relevant to my subject chats today. i think it is super freaky to see how almost accurate it is and i actually know my problem is, and i am going to work it out within myself, and i am going to make the next relationship that i am going to ever have, the longest & the best. i know, i am tired of running around, trying to fall in love, trying to keep the balance, trying to be sane.

all i just want to have, is to be in love, and insanely in love with my partner and all i want to do is to go home to someone at the end of the day, someone that i could talk with, someone that i could make dinner for, someone who just loves me to lie in her arms, someone who would love me almost forever and takes care of me like her baby, someone who would slow dance with me almost every evening (we can have alternate days choosing music). and someone, who wouldnt love someone else.

to always have the fact that your partner might be in love with someone else, kills me & my complete mood and inspiration to have a relationship. this isnt about trust, or faith, but if you truly love someone, you wouldnt even give signs & hints or any slight evidence of the fact that you are straying and there is infact someone else, and your heart is completely mine.
i like seclusions, and i know i am going into seclusion & retreating from this scene, if i am going to be in relationship & of course i am never going to be stupid enough to be in a relationship with someone who obviously loves the scene.

i dont know. i'd just have a dog & a cat 2 room hdb with chong.

on very lighter note, sue gave me spencer! it is super adorable! thanks sue! you're such a sweetheart! :)


some pictures of the week!








and some people that i have been missing very badly.. (that should take a hint)







aiya, i cannot find the rest of your pictures without me looking decent in it and i promise to search for them more! chong, dont be a bitch and say that i dont miss you or anything, because i am meeting you almost everyday god hahahahhaha love!

and i really miss my long hair. i am sorry for this long entry, and i promise i would stop thinking so much about good stuffs that might happen to me, because i dont know if i deserve it. i think it is just another trap another attempt to ambush me and put me back into the cycle that i have always been. i am never going to let it happen to me ever again.

dont look back.

dont talk about eyes anymore.

eunice says that i look good only when my nose & mouth isnt in sight. she is the best friend ever! (ya it is totally drown in sarcasm)

ANYWAY!

juju had her another first - NEW FLASH! juju went up to a girl and asked for her number! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. Nope, she wasnt on beer/drugs/balls/galls and in perfect sane situation with a boost from her friends, she finally went up to this girl who she thinks have a pair of fucking mesmerizing eyes!

And this isnt the best part.

IAME (Intriguing and Mesmerizing Eyes) gave her number to ju!

i know i know i know, i am such a brave heart (insert roll eyes) and che was like MOVE MOVE TEXT HER NOW but i am an absolute shy creature

and we were just texting for awhile.
and she isnt interested in me because she stopped texting me.

i am not good at this i really am not good, maybe i am right i should stop trying because i am destined to be alone this lifetime and i have accepted it.

not as if i want anything.
(but its not so bad to hope right?)


feist is back with a new album! reviews say that she would be able to put me back into love. i'd like to see how though.

on the 5th april , i was invited back to school as an ex-member of student council for the 10th student council investiture. i remembered our days of 3rd, 4th, 5th exco (executive committe) and also 7 years of non stop commitment to the SJAB. and my khakis back in secondary school..

the Guest of Honor was Mr Andrew Chew. he was the second principal of our school and i really freaking love him because he's like the best principal anyone could get. i missed those times when my friends and i would snigger at the thought of him pulling up pants or we would groan at his 7 habits talks. honestly, without Mr Chew supporting the council for years, we wouldnt even be here.

i managed to catch alot of my old friends ever since i last stepped out of GV. i almost teared during the investiture because it was so reminiscing and it makes me freaking guilty because i stopped commiting to SJAB or even council. but my friends have to understand, although you might want to stay in that circle, you could. but i couldnt because i need to move out of environment i had to let go and pursue new ones. sounds super selfish? i know. i know love all these training and all back then and i still wanna do it now, but.. i cant commit.

because of what i had back then, this is who i am today. but friends forever and never change!








you know i found out the other day when i was at my gramp's, i found out my 3rd uncle really hates me, well it kinda explained why he's rather hostile and very unfriendly to me since i was born. the reason was, because i was freaking young, i was jumping on their matrimony bed and i was a virgin girl. well correction should be, i should be a virgin boy jumping on their matrimony bed so that they can conceive boys for life for the glory of the Seah family. but guesss what? I jumped and they 'popped' out 4 daughters.

so its my fault they had girls.

hello i would like to confirm with biological facts that IT WASNT MY FAULT, but it is the father's chromosomes that determines the baby's gender, and honestly our family has alot of girls for our generation. and it shows that my first uncle has the ability to help conceive a male because it is the first genes from my grandfather and after that the sperm quality kinda dropped..

l
click to enlarge

scientifically, i am not at fault, but maybe spiritually, ok fine. but how would i know such stuffs when i was like 4 or 5 years! got bed jump lor! boing boing! so now i am currently 'paying my debt' now i am fucking lesbian which i am totally masculine. is this what i have to make up for? zomg, my relatives told someone and someone that i should be a guy and that would be great! i was like............................... my god. i know i am cute as guy or whatever, but you know i prefer being girly and you know ok fine, gay.

late photos for 20th, 21th, 22th of march working as emcee for NTU Hall 10's 10th annual charity event for the Singapore Chesire Society, for every $2 or $5 donation, you can have a lucky dip which contains prizes like....

sorry i can still remember my line, and i am sure cheryl would too.



actually there are more photos but some people are just holding on to them HOR! doing all these, makes me feel fucking great because i had nothing to do at home. and that in the above picture is Ms Teen ok.

i am always webcaming with Smelly Mellie and she dislikes my hair because she hates butchy butchy girls and i am not appealing to her anymore.



why is it very ugly?! i mean its just different, when i had longer hair, YOU GUYS KEEP WANTING ME TO CUT, NOW I CUT ALR U ALL SAY UGLY.

but i like, its really nice.

=) (OMG SO XIAXUE AGAIN!)

but its okay i have people think i am cutesy.. hehe or even hot.




you know i am so hot, kero (that colin&kero) viewed my profile. HAHAHAHHAHAA dont roll ur eyes ok. dont deny!


hehe, so its mambo tmr night. its been a long time ive been a mambo slut! oh god reminds me of my slutty days..

and you know the family just right below my unit, they had dengue fever. now i am so freaking afraid i am getting it, ive been getting fever/chills and everything! shit this is not good. fuck orchids, told you. they are out to kill me.

"fall in love like you've never been hurt."
"love anyway."