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"why cant you be by yourself why? do you only love me because there would be someone by your side? you just want me around, you just want me around and if there wasnt me, there would be others, why cant you be by yourself? you have no heart for me, you dont love me at all."

i thought i did replied, "leave if you think so."

i have no heart, no love, no sympathy, no empathy and oh yeah no humanity. why do i have to allow odds keep coming into my life to destroy what ive built, to put myself in such vulnerability and to keep seeing myself picking up pieces over and over again? it gets tiring to put yourself in that emotion turmoil which boils in your heart again and again. a second, you feel like life's back and another, you stuck (there is no such thing as stucked) in a daze feeling horrible wishing you could go away asap.

i have learnt to not categorize my feelings as hurt or hate. i have learnt to diversify my feelings such as (still) hurt, hatred, anger, disgust, disappointments and sometimes i actually dont feel anything at all. i have became this numb skull and i dont know when was the last time i cried it out loud or maybe all the time i was just sobbing silently waiting for fatigue to engulf me.

i like to push images, thoughts, words, or people away so i will do just fine. sometimes, in fact all the time, alot of people do not understand how i function and they just dont understand and no you dont have to, you dont have to.

i am fine this way.