Sexcited.

Nikon F Classic SLR 1959
First line of SLR from Nikon

Exams are here and it sucks but it will be cool when I am totally in year 3, I would be like 师姐(senior) in my school and walking looking really aloof (actually alot of people do think that i am very aloof because i dont smile at acquaintances alot..). :( in fact come to think of it i am rather aloof even meeting up new people, everyone needs to warm up isnt it? but i think my spontaneity is still there!

I was studying at the airport last night from 9pm to 6am a grand total of 10 hours but i think i studied for only 5 hours and the rest of it we were gossiping and talking about our dreams/lives. And i think it kinda scares me to know that i would be alone (with/without partner) when my parents pass on, and it makes me tear from time to time knowing that i am all alone surviving in this house (probably, still hoping to move to Carribean) and i would go crazy not being able to overcome that loneliness and i think i should overcome it now by being more independent ever. although my parents leave me alone all the time, but it is not the same because you know somehow they would still come home to you. I think i am going to write a letter to my momsie, hopefully not sounding unfilial but I think she should know what I really want in life and how I need her support.

Anyhow regarding the Vietnam trip, I have canceled it and I think instead I am going back to Indonesia to visit my maternal grandmother with my momsie or maybe just bali , quote momsie, "you can go and backpack there while ma is doing business okay! actually i quite like backpacking too i like mountains & tribes, i think we should all move back to bali and live on a mountain and plant alot of vegetables." love momsie! it is hard being an only child and its not always presents, toys and desires! to my momsie, i am always 15 or sometimes only 10 and always her baby sucking her nipples. she likes to remind me how i used to suck her nipples and how i refused to let it go. T_T

Anyway, remember 'giselle'? omg we totally ignited the fire again okay maybe we didnt but we were grinning at each other while doing our papers! wow i miss those intense moments but we dont talk much at all anymore but really missed whatever intriguing moments i had with her before.

sigh, i think i am going through LBD. (lesbian bed death) or like LRD (lesbian relationship death)