Wrench, please.

This late morning was met with despair. I drew the curtains a little to see if there is a procedure going on but I saw a mother hugging her 21 year old daughter so tightly and both of them sobbing in such devastation that they never realized I saw them. I bit my lips so hard because that scene was so heart wrenching and so wrenching, it was really heartbreaking.. News broke to them that her daughter has confirmed of carcinoma of the ovaries. Only 21, with a life so long infront of her, knowing that she could never have children in this lifetime and having risk of carcinoma spreading to the rest of the parts of the body. I could see the devastation in that red beady eyes of her mommy, sobbing tremendously while her daughter is in the showers. I think this would mark the first time of such feelings in the hospital because I never had such overwhelming feelings before. Maybe I could relate the despair as a woman and as a woman of such age. I dont know why but carcinoma are really somehow common nowadays but... it was just that scene that broke my heart and the fact that she is only a year older than me. It really dawned on me that life is really short and full of surprises. Maybe life is just another transient happiness that we can never get a good grasp of it and it might just slip by us before we know it.

I know one day this blog will include of all my testimonials, wills, caretaking and arrangements. I dont know what I can expect from this lifetime but I will make it and take it anyway. We cant run away from what has destined from us, some might be destined but some might be in our own control. I guess it takes time to learn what is in our control and what is not.

In fact I will not control having fun!



My tickets to the land of the rising sun, Japan are confirmed. I am taking JAL which rumours has it that the air stewardesses are the hottest, and I was fantasizing bringing home a japanese girlfriend! Like long black silky hair, with bangs, porcelain face with big eyes and seductive smile, body like Angelina Jolie, legs like Karen Mok..

... Ok i am snapped out.