(POLL ON THE RIGHT! MUST POLL OK!)


today was a lousy day, not because mommy was 'doing her thing' again (which is banging the doors and swearing really loudly at my dad) but i guess i was just generally lousy with no plans, and no kicks. so i have been bugged by Smelly Mellie to update my passport photo since the last time i almost couldnt get through the customs without pouting.



i know dont even start, i was really tanned and really butchy back days which is horrible and i still thought i looked good back then MY GOD I WONDER HOW ABOUT ME NOW WHAT WILL I THINK OF MYSELF IN MY LATER STAGE OF MY LIFE.

it had to be written on my passport "CHANGE PHOTO".

i know i dont even look good and i think i need a hair cut ok i am going to poll for a haircut. my mother thinks my hair is like shit hahahahhaha that means i think i should cut since my mom is the fashionista of the house


yay at least i have a new passport photo and i dont have to pout my way through! Smelly Mellie and I are going to JB this Good friday with .. my parents. i know it sounds totally wrong but i think we are going to eat free tze char hahahahahha

i know i havent been blogging substantially because i dont know. but anyway, found this on jill's blog, then tiffy's and little did i know cheryl chong did it too.


hahahahahahhahahahahah we are meant to be ! lets get married cheryl! i am just kidding.


and actually sometimes my hair's fine really and i think i look quite cute. okay dont roll eyes yourself, because if you roll eyes or even snigger or you're breathing or going OMG or you dont care about it, it means you think i am cute. first reaction counts so dont pretend.

i was smoking outside the ICA building and was really in the lousiest mood guess who called out my name? okay, call him Ferris (OH DONT WE ALL LOVE THIS NAME?). Ferris came over and talked you know stuffs..

i guess at the lowest point Ferris came and he was like the knight in the shiniest armour. i knew him back when i was in secondary 1 and we were mates in St John's. the whole world knew i was lesbian ( i mean i still am..) and so we went along and treated each other like "brothers". we knew each other for 7 years! there was a certain period of time we were fighting, squabbling and was really hating each other. for one, we cant stand each other's attitude. two, i cant stand his arrogance. three, i know he's bloody good looking but he dont have to show off. four, i just couldnt stand him. it went on for at least 2 years of me depising him and getting pissed from the moment he opens his mouth.

there was this huge fight left me crying and running home. i remembered it was because my newly brought phone was stolen on a saturday in the St John's room and i blamed him for bringing nonsense people into the room and resulted in the loss of my phones, and we both had our own prerogative and we fought really badly. it hurt so badly!

although we were in the same class and we were actually sitting beside each other, i ignored him for several weeks still pissed, but a few weeks later he apologized and tried to tease me. he was sweet, but i just was too proud to say anything i just ignored him. we were still colleagues back in St John's.

but everything was alright already, but his arrogance still pisses me off and his outlandish behaviour made me just wants to strangle him. we were sort of 'on' and 'off', you know. and it wasnt long ago about 2 years ago, he changed for the better, he really did changed and he really amazed me and put my fingers to my lips for once. i was leaving St John's and i had to pass the reins to a successor, and i never thought i would choose him because he really changed and amazed me because he's so sensitive and so different and i know under his leadership, and a little boost to his title, it should help him. and now he's standing stronger than ever! i sure did not choose the wrong person!

in fact, he is the best guy friend i ever had. we shared so much, we had so much sufferings, we went through everything almost together, we were a team. and since secondary 1, i've always thought that i was going to end up marrying him because almost everyone said so back then in classes, and in less than 2 hours i just told my mom that i think that i am going to marry Ferris, and my mother was in awe because she heard about Ferris before (actually all the time, because he comes my house once in a while) and she was giving me this look, "i thought you are lesbian?" but she was like, noooooo you cant get married!

and i was like, later you & papa die already how, i alone ah?
she was like, ya hor..

roll eyes big time.


so my point is i think i might just end up marrying him, MAYBE. maybe he doesnt want to marry me because i asked him today if he wants me if no one wants, he was like WHY YOU LIKE THAT!

=( (MY GOD I CANT STAND MYSELF I THINK READ TOO MUCH XIAXUE)

but i know he will want me one okay because he say if i turn girly he will go for me!

p/s: i know this is supposed to be a lesbian blog but i have my straight calling days sometimes but it doesnt mean i am straight now!
pp/s: in fact i think i am going back to my very secluded days which i am seriously confused about, i need more time to think about.

sometimes i just wish people meant what they say, and they wouldnt just give things up easily and thats why i say i have no reason to stay.