Not.

Now I am alternating between John Mayer and Black Mountain.

Black Mountain really sends me out running freely and reminding myself to constantly stay free. It has a sad melody but it really gives a cut to what I should be feeling. I could like switch from being depressed to releasing myself. I should stop feeling being so longing, so.. I dont know, I need to stop beating up myself.

I cannot take this misery and I wish I could snap out of it with a click of my fingers. I am going to cut short my entry and I need to stop being so wounded. So much for being able to release myself. Now I know cruelty is back for me and regret is all I can be filled with.

I hate how my mom talks about her, because I never wanted to be reminded again. I just fall into this incredible and amazingly long daze as I try to recollect all of my happiest days with her and all my defenses would just break down.

Move on ju.

Go, tiger.